Bookstore dreams and wishes

We've been pushing forward on the bookstore idea pretty hard. We've got the market research survey up online and are already receiving responses. Some of the responses have been quite enlightening and surprising. Some of them, not so surprising but identify a particular hazard we will have to deal with in running the store.

I'm already establishing guidelines in my head about what used media we will accept, what condition it must be in, and how we will establish the store credit for it. We have great ideas about what we want to offer, how we want to offer it, and how we want things to work. I think we can really pull it off if we can get the funding. Big guy and I are determined and very excited about this. It's really been all we've discussed for a while. I really want this to work. I'm also thrilled that he seems passionate about doing this.

Big Guy is truly the love of my life, but he will be the first to say that there's very little he cares about enough to fight for. I'm the fighter in the house. I throw myself into everything with a sort of passionate madness that Big Guy just doesn't seem to have. This, however, has lit a fire in him. It's encouraging for me to see because I always worried that he didn't have anything he liked to do that he "loved". I LOVE writing and teaching. When things get difficult and hard to do, I can hold on to my love for both htose things to get past the rough paches and continue on working at them. Big Guy didn't have that in any of his jobs, which meant that when things got tough, he got angry, sullen and bitter. It made me sad.

And if we can pull this off, he's going to need that love and passion. We're going to have to work hard to make this take off. On the bright side, if we can get this to work, this will free us from other bosses. I'd love to get the store going and have it reach a point where we become a staple of life around town. Perhaps we can get it to a point where life isn't a struggle anymore. The hard thing, for me at least, is this dream means putting off the homesteading dream because everything is going to have to be poured into the business. All our energy, any extra money, and our lives for a long time are going to be at the whim of the retail store gods. The place we're considering has an apartment upstairs but no yard space to speak of. I'll be able to plant very little, if I can plant anything at all. There definitely would not be room for chickens. I also recognize that, should the bookstore fail, it will effectively kill our ability to do the homesteading.

This really has to work. I know we have the drive, I know we can push it out.... I just hope it takes off.

A simple Friday

My usual Friday plans have been interrupted by the "light dusting" of snow we were to receive.  Apparently, in Indiana weatherman parlance, "light dusting" means "huddle inside your house for warmth".  So, instead I am making more bread and we've got PBS Kids on the television for Little Guy. 

One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to become more organized and manage time and money better.  The rapidly changing schedule is making it more important than ever to do so.  This month, I am working a split shift.  I teach one class in the morning and one class at night.  The week after next, however, my schedule changes for the next month.  I'll teach mornings and afternoons, leaving my evenings free.  I've been teaching nights for so long now, I'm not going to know what to do with myself.  Big Guy will get to be home during the day with our little monkey. 

If we can keep up the work we've been doing, we can survive just fine.  Big Guy and I need to take an opportunity to sit down and figure out a plan for the next few months, like what we'll do if I don't get two classes.  I've got a plan to save up money so that when the break hits, I'll be able to transfer over money to cover it.  Things may be tight and sort of complicated, but luckily we have the communication skills to figure it out. 

We're still looking at getting out of our current rental and, at this point, I am so done living here.  I'm sure some of it is just basic impatience on my part, but living here has not been the best experience.  This place had a purpose when we moved in, but that purpose has long since passed, and it's time for us to move to our new chapter of life.  Our life has changed so much since we moved in that our needs in a place have changed as well.  We're also not under pressure to move, which is a pleasant change.  We have been looking for a good place to live, price-wise and also life-wise.

We're not going to be able to get the perfect place, but we'll be able to find something that will serve us well.  And right now, Big Guy and I are in agreement that everything happens for a reason.  Hopefully the purpose of all of this will become apparent soon.

I want to move NOW

We're looking at houses to move our group into. Whiteybare has claimed the front room for his own, but I'd really like to get a place where he feels more comfortable coming into the public areas of the house, and I believe that will only happen once we get a place with him. I'm always afraid that we're making him feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That worrying leads to hovering and, if I am not careful, will drive him insane.

I just want everyone to be happy and the idea of the commune is such a cheerful happy one that I can't help but want to make it a reality. Unfortunately, we have a ways to go before we can start forming the commune. One of the first steps is going to have to be forming the LLC. After we find a rental for our group where we can start setting aside money, we'll also start to build up money for a down payment. After we have some money set aside for a down payment, we'll look at houses and land. From there, we can start doing the communal thing.

I wish we could get started on it now, but there is no chance of that happening. We don't have the money for a down payment, and, even if we did, we don't have the credit for a loan. I'd love to be able to make a deal with someone in the area where we pay money for the land over a contracted period of time with someone who likes and supports what we're doing. Unfortunately, such deals are not in existance where we need them. We need to stay in the area where we currently reside. Whiteybare is a returning college student and needs to keep the in-state tuition. I am pretty well settled in my job and really could not find work like it elsewhere. And Big Guy needs to keep his job to pay his ex and cannot switch out unless it's for a higher paygrade.

In the meantime, I deal with the uncomfortable, impatient feeling. I want to be out of there NOW, and I know we can't get out NOW. So, I feel restless and irritated, ready to jump out at the word go. Unfortunately, this only irritates myself and my husband. Big Guy feels frustrated because I am not thrilled and he feels bad because it isn't what we want and he can't provide it for us right now. I try to keep my feelings, in that case, under wraps. I'm not a person who hides her emotions easily though, which only makes me more restless. Little Guy may pick up on the restlessness but it only serves to make him more hyper, a feat which is amazing enough considering his current level of hyper.

I tell myself that things will work out for the best. In the grand scheme of things, we are pretty well off. We have a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and many luxeries that others do not have. I'll just be glad when we get to do our own thing.

Beg, Borrow and Write

So, if you haven't noticed, I have started a support this blogger page.  I read an article which smacked some sense into me and made me bite the bullet to do so.  It asked what your reasons were for writing your blog and pointed out that, if you want to earn money from blogging, you have to be shameless.  So, I swallowed my pride and have put up a bit of begging.  I apologize in advance. 

Now, I will admit, most of my motivation in putting fingers to keyboard and blogging stems from my own deep-seated need to write. As I explain to my writing students, writers have a love-hate relationship with writing.  It controls you, forces you to write and then smacks you upside the head.  The writing process sucks.  You put everything into your writing, and then you look at what you've created and, as a writer, realize that you think it sucks.  It's horrible.  So then you re-write, and re-write, and re-write...  Writing is a cruel mistress, capricious and mean. 

But, writing can also earn you a bit of cash.  I have done freelance writing for pay, and I have tutored in writing for pay. My real-world job involves teaching people how to construct viable essays and papers. And, I have obviously monetized this blog.  (Hello Google, thanks for giving me some pay.  I <3 you).  If you are a good enough writer, if your writing can resonate with people or interest them in some way, they will come back.  Most of the information you find on blogging says that you need to figure out what the hot topics are and write on those, but I am a stubborn, prideful little wench and tend to write about things that I find interesting. I have to accept that it may mean I will never become popular, but I also believe that the sheer force of my personality and the fact that I'm just so darn cute will win out over that. 

If it doesn't, I'll rely on the fact that my son is so darn cute.