Monday, January 17, 2011

Marriage: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As Singing Through The Rain points out: being married isn't easy.  Big Guy and I have been told that we are "retarded for each other".  We snuggle, we kiss, we do almost everything together.  We are very much in love and it takes work to keep us that way. 

Back after Little Guy was born, our communication issues began to catch up with us.  We realized rather rapidly that if we wanted our marriage to succeed and, more importantly, survive, we needed help.  So we got it.  We spent nearly a year in therapy learning to communicate better, learning tips and tricks to keep us on track, and in the end it was worth it.  We both recognize the benefits that our therapy gave us.  Our communication improved drastically and we began to recognize the ineffective ways we approached each other and dealt with problems. 

This became immensely important when step-family issues reared their ugly heads.  Had there been any cracks in our relationship, they would have turned into gaping holes when the shit hit the fan.  We managed to survive and are still doing really well.  But, it is a process of working at it every day and we try really hard to keep things good. 

One of the keys, I believe, is working at it so that it doesn't seem like work.  Like any job, regular maintenance can make things go smoothly.  So, we go to bed together each night and cuddle before we fall asleep.  We flirt with each other on a regular basis.  We make it a point to find things we both like to do.  We also tend to make decisions based on who needs the most right now.  This month, I've needed a lot of support as I worked the split shift.  He's been pretty good about working with me and not complaining.  This weekend, it shifted as he came down with a nasty cold and I took care of him. 

Do we still fight?  Oh yes.  Our fights tend not to last long though.  Again, I attribute that to improved communication.  Some days are worse than others, some days we stumble in our practices, but we both agree that our marriage is important and worth working at. 


Kathryn said...

Great post, thanks so much for posting!!

fruey said...

I'm glad you have given an account of how marriage is work, not automatic. Some people just give up when it gets bad and take the first opportunity to end it all by jumping into bed with the first available person who consoles them. Good for you guys!