An open letter to my alienated oldest step-daughter

Dear Oldest Child,

I have started this letter several times and in several ways, but the likelihood of you ever reading it is slim, so I guess it doesn't really matter. You are 18 now, graduating (or graduated). Welcome to life after childhood. I know you won't understand what that means yet. You still need time to work out the hormones and figure out what life really is before you can see reality for what it is.

My days of trying to be the super-step-mom are long over, so I won't issue sweet platitudes o r give rose-colored advice on your future. It wouldn't matter to you anyhow. We aren't a part of your life; we won't be invited to your graduation. It's not as much of a stepping stone anymore. It's just another mile marker in the long road where you and your siblings move further and further away from your father.

Your father still waits for you to call because he believed you at Grand-dad's funeral. He believed that you were sorry; he believed that once you were grown and free, you would call. He doesn't want to bring pain on you from your mother, so he didn't even send you a Facebook message regarding your birthday because you told him she would “freak”. And, since I have relinquished my step-mom crown, I am working hard on letting it go. I am not responsible for his relationship with you or your relationship with him.

Letting it go is difficult, though. especially when I look back over the years. 10 years, your father and I have been together. I still remember you as the little girl who cried at the wedding because you were afraid you weren't going to get to come. Your mom had told you she wasn't letting it happen, and so your father and I sneakily moved the wedding forward. We paid for it afterwards. We didn't see any of you for three months.

I remember many things, stories that we kept from you because we wanted to believe that doing the right thing meant that we would achieve the goal of having a happy, blended family in the long run. So, we didn't involve you in the battle, we followed advice that said to answer the questions briefly, but remind kids that they should be kids and not worry about it. Boy, were we wrong. Funny how you can play by the rules, but still lose. That's a lesson in being a grown-up. Good luck with that one.

I remember the last day, when you left our house for good. You hated us, you said. You hated Little Guy. He wasn't your brother... Never mind that your mom's child, born of a different relationship, apparently was, and is. It was then that I realized, listening to the words coming from your mouth, that I could never trust you with your father's and my child.

We were mean. How? You didn't know. You just knew we were. We were abusive. How? You didn't know. We just were.

You stared at me sullenly when I finally confronted you about some of the lies your mom had spewed, and confirmed that you had fed them to her. I doubt you ever cleared up that misconception, and it doesn't matter anyhow, I suppose. Your mom has and always will hate your dad. You and your siblings will always be sucked into it.

So, I suppose in a way, I am glad for you. This is your chance to escape. I hope you take it. This is your chance to make amends and build bridges with your father. I hope you do that too. He loves you, more than you will ever know. He is a good man who believes the best in people. It was how he lasted so long with your mom. He believes in you, too. And he desperately misses you and your siblings.

As for me, as I said, I am done being super-step-mom. I'm not playing by those rules any more. I won't pull punches and I will never sugar coat things about your mom ever again. So, while I encourage you to build bridges with your father, I encourage you even more to do it without me. I am not who I once was, and I will not pretend things are as they once were. That land has been burned and salted.

But mostly, get away from your mom. I know you love her, and I believe in her own sick, twisted way, she loves you the best a bi-polar narcissist can. Your own sanity may depend on you loving her from afar.

Sincerely,

Kitten

Feminism, Femininity, and the V word

As one of my fellow bloggy friends pointed out, the word 'feminist' has become a bad word.  When did this happen?  And why? It seems that most people believe a feminist is someone who believes in the superiority of women, seeking to set themselves apart from their counterparts by changing e's and a's to y's and removing men completely from the cycle. 

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," as the saying goes.  Sadly, that was backlash to the equality movement, and it was totally understandable. To a certain extent, it still is.  Women still earn less on average than men.  They are also still expected to complete their standard workplace jobs and then go home and complete most of the typical "female" jobs.  Women were told they could do it all, be it all, have it all...  But it seems the men forgot that in order for the women to get anything close to fair, they had to share. 

So, women became strident and demanding.  When the mainstream became ashamed of some of their demands and claims, the detractors added to it.  "You don't want to be a feminist," they sneered.  "Baby killing, man hating, painting with their own menstrual fluids.  They are jealous of men.  They want to BE men."  It was simply another way to slip the vagina back into a neat, little, lace-covered box (pardon the pun). 

When I was in college, I took part in an underground production (at an all-women's college!) of "The Vagina Monologues".  I used a whip and wore my hair in pigtails, playing the part of a dominatrix.  I played the part of a woman comfortable with being a woman and having a very feminine power.  The idea of embracing sexuality and power was a little too risque for the school, so we performed via word of mouth from dorm to dorm to avoid sanctions by the hierarchy. 

It was really the first step in embracing true feminism.  There is nothing wrong with demanding your due.  It is not strident to want equality.  It doesn't mean you want to be superior, it simply means you want to be held as important.   But feminism is more than equality, it is also about femininity.  We are not men.  We will never be men.  We should not fight the way men do. 

In "The Princessa ", Rubin argues that we should embrace the power that women naturally have.  Our ancient ancestors saw the importance that women had in the lives of their families and in the life-giving connection to the earth.  Our industrialized society bound women in steel corsets, and we lost that connection to ourselves.  And now, it's worse. 

When women became afraid of being called feminists, it gave the misogynists a chance to swoop in and decide for them. Men are deciding how women should use their sexuality and their ability to choose.  It's time to stop being afraid of feminism and in effect of femininity.  I am a feminist, with all the strengths and weaknesses that go with being a woman and being human. 

Are you a feminist too?

Adventures in Moving

We're moved.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to do it, and I must admit I panicked there a bit at the end.  We were truly blessed in the help we received from family and friends.  We finished moving 2.5 days earlier than we thought thanks to them.  That doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure though. 

Class ended for me on Thursday and that's when the moving weekend really began.  The next day we had to travel to the new house to wait for the cable guy.  While we were there, we put Little Guy's bed together and started making his room feel like a real home.  He had been having difficulties and I am positive it was due to all the changes.  His temper was shorter, he tried to push all the boundaries, and he just did not like what was going on.  Big Guy and I thought that getting some familiarity in his new room might settle things down.  So, while the cable guy set up our cable and internet, we set up the bed.  That may have been a mistake though, since he then wanted to spend the night there and we weren't done at the old place yet.  Plus, the bulk of moving was going to be done the next day.

 Saturday began bright and early.  Big Guy and a friend went to get the moving truck while Little Guy and I (mostly the *I*) continued to box things up and get things sorted.  All the electronic items were gone, waiting at the new house, and the entire house was just about done.  At about 10 am, people began to arrive and we started stacking stuff on the lawn and moving it into the truck.  Everyone took a load to the new place while I and two others held back and continued packing.  We were just about done when the truck returned and we finished up our last load for the day.  After that, we headed to the new place and crashed. We still had cleaning at the old place, but what we needed people and a truck to handle, we had managed to complete. 

Sunday, we were sore, we were tired, and we still had stuff to finish.  We went back to the old house to mop, vacuum, and finish wiping things down.  When we arrived, however, we were greeted with a surprise.  Someone had STOLEN our stair railings.  We considered that they may have been stolen for the metal...but someone had left the wrought iron doormat.  They hadn't just stolen the railings either, they broke the bolts getting them off.  Looking out our back window, we noticed that our back neighbors had a suspiciously familiar pair of railings while the guy across the street from them had their old railing.  It was beyond ridiculous.  We griped about it for the rest of the day as we finished cleaning but we got the place in order and went home.  We had a few boxes left that Big Guy was going to pack up the next day when he talked to the office about our missing rails. 

When he went in to the office to tell them someone had stolen our rails, the office's initial reaction was: "That's really not our problem."  Once he explained that we didn't waqnt to get charged on our move out and that we were renters, then they cared.  I couldn't believe it.  Yet another reason why we are so glad to be out of there.  After that he loaded up the last boxes and turned in the keys... And we were done there.  We've been unpacking and organizing and just generally trying to make ouselves at home.  The house is amazing and we love it already.  This has been such a positive move and a wonderful blessing for us.  I am thrilled.  And even Little Guy has started settling in. 

Marriage: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As Singing Through The Rain points out: being married isn't easy.  Big Guy and I have been told that we are "retarded for each other".  We snuggle, we kiss, we do almost everything together.  We are very much in love and it takes work to keep us that way. 

Back after Little Guy was born, our communication issues began to catch up with us.  We realized rather rapidly that if we wanted our marriage to succeed and, more importantly, survive, we needed help.  So we got it.  We spent nearly a year in therapy learning to communicate better, learning tips and tricks to keep us on track, and in the end it was worth it.  We both recognize the benefits that our therapy gave us.  Our communication improved drastically and we began to recognize the ineffective ways we approached each other and dealt with problems. 

This became immensely important when step-family issues reared their ugly heads.  Had there been any cracks in our relationship, they would have turned into gaping holes when the shit hit the fan.  We managed to survive and are still doing really well.  But, it is a process of working at it every day and we try really hard to keep things good. 

One of the keys, I believe, is working at it so that it doesn't seem like work.  Like any job, regular maintenance can make things go smoothly.  So, we go to bed together each night and cuddle before we fall asleep.  We flirt with each other on a regular basis.  We make it a point to find things we both like to do.  We also tend to make decisions based on who needs the most right now.  This month, I've needed a lot of support as I worked the split shift.  He's been pretty good about working with me and not complaining.  This weekend, it shifted as he came down with a nasty cold and I took care of him. 

Do we still fight?  Oh yes.  Our fights tend not to last long though.  Again, I attribute that to improved communication.  Some days are worse than others, some days we stumble in our practices, but we both agree that our marriage is important and worth working at. 

Happy New Year!

My New Year's Resolution is to get back into writing regularly.  I know I need to narrow that goal down a little more and figure out exactly what "regularly" means, but for now I accept that I need to write more.  It's something I need to do, it's something that is important to me, and it's going to eventually give me what I want from it IF I put the effort into it. 

That's not to say that my hiatus hasn't been entirely unexpected.  Life, they say, is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  After the failure to get the commune off the ground, Big Guy and I continued with our plans to get out of where we were, even going so far as to look at purchasing a house in the country.  (My heart still breaks that we didn't get that house.)  However, while we were doing that, Big Guy got fired from his company AGAIN.  This was the second time in two years they had decided they didn't need him and booted him out the door.  I told him that if they asked him to come back again, not only was he to say no, but HELL NO. 

So, around the middle of November, we went from a two-parent working household to a two parent, one worker household.  Don't worry, I've engaged him in slave labor in my name and we got a LOT of help from friends and family over the holiday season as things attempted to sort themselves out.  I would like, at some point, to have an extended period of financial peace.  I think we've earned it over the past 8 years. 

Figuring out where to go from here is going ot be tricky.  He's submitting apps and resumes and I've suggested a few things, but we're unsure where or when things will shift.  We've been down this road before though.  This time he doesn't have an insane CS amount hanging over his head.  Now, it's slightly more reasonable and if the ex comes charging after him for more money, since he's jobless. I can't imagine they would raise it. 

We're also buckling down on expenses.  Christmas was stress inducing.  But the love and assistance of family and friends made it the best Christmas ever.  No matter what religion you believe in, it's easy to recognize a blessing when you see it.  I was also lucky enough to get a second class to teach this month, despite it being a split shift.  So, while I am exhausted, I am also bringing in money. 

Things will work out, I have faith in that.  Everything happens for a reason and the change in Big Guy's Job situation will undoubtedly lead to something better.  Now if it would just hurry up and arrive. 

My child, king of left-brained creativity

As I watch my baby turn into a little boy, I am constantly amused and horrified at his imagination. He's a kid, an "all-boy" at its finest. He likes dinosaurs, cars, and letters. And when I say he likes letters, I mean the A-B-C type of letters. Right now, everything in life with him is broken down into letters. Aside from the usual stable of imaginary friends, he has begun to add 26 more.

Our day often involves discussion of letters, what they say, what they do (which starts with the letter sound), and what color they are. For example, quite often, there is a blue K kicking its way through the house. Or, as today, there was a red J jumping down the hallway. This can be complete with body twisting to make the shape of the letter. Though some of the shape making doesn't make sense, as in the letter C requiring you to wrap your arms about yourself.

His writing is full of letters too, and not necessarily in any order, but I am gathering sheet after sheet after sheet of random letter scribblings. It's amusing, but aren't most kids drawing pictures? If I ask him to draw a cat, he'll tell me no. He'd rather write the word cat. On the bright side, his writing is improving, but I am worried about other aspects of his creativity.

Perhaps this all stems from being right handed. Letters are logical and ordered, like math, and logic and order are domains of the left side of the brain. The right side, which controls left handedness is spatial and artistic. It's why I can't do math or taxes and why I love the diagramming of sentences. I don't worry too m uch about his imagination. The child comes up with all sorts of stories and involves so many things in them, I find it hard to keep them straight. He makes up songs and we have a very good time together playing in the realms of his world... I'm afraid we've broken him though. He's so full of life and so vivacious that sending him into the real world would crush him, I'm afraid. I love who he is, but the rest of the world won't understand him and that terrifies me.

What I did on my Summer Vacation

So, I have been very absent from my blog this summer. I imagine y'all would like to know where I dsappeared to and why. The easiest answer, I wanted a summer break. A lot happened, a few things changed, and we did get a new family member.

At the end of Spring, we had a roommate who had moved in, got a girlfriend, and then moved out. This threw a lot of plans into disarray and confusion since we had begun planning for the future with him in mind. One thing it did do, however, is solidify the desire that Big Guy and I have towards getting out. We hate where we're living, and we need to change. We know we're not signing another lease there and no matter what, we are done. While we won't be moving with the roommate, we will be moving with our Little Guy.

Speaking of Little Guy, we ended up cutting off the wonderful curls he had. I cried. I was trying to trim his hair so he didn't look quite so emo. I told him to hold still while I trimmed, and he did not. The resulting cut made the child look like a mini-Hitler, minus the moustache. We couldn't have that, so Big Guy took him into the bathroom and we shaved his head. He was bald. He cried and I cried and it was a horrible situation altogether. I tried to tell him he looked like Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He wanted none of that. "I don't want to look like Aang," he wailed. "I want to look like (Little Guy)!" It was heartbreaking.

He's also developed a dramatic streak a mile wide. I don't know where he gets it from but, holy christ, is he good at it. I've been keeping a record of some of the more amusing turns of phrase and incidents from him on his own Facebook Fan Page. Join up and follow along as the kid drives us all insane.

And, not too long ago, we had a new family member make his appearance. My sister had her baby, Baby G. This adorable infant has already surpassed Little Guy's record in weight and length. My son is freaking tiny but his cousin will apparently be built like a tank. Hopefully, this means an automatic bodyguard for the evil genius when they are older.

I've also been doing some writing for Demand Studios. It's not that I don't love you guys, but they pay more for writing than I've been earning from here. My goal is to actually earn som scratch for the fams! You can follow some of my writing at eHow. I do intend to get back into blogging now that summer is winding to a close. We didn't really do any of the activities I wanted to do this summer, which is rather depressing, but hopefully we can arrange things and do fun stuff this fall!
 
 

If a picture is worth a thousand words...

Some days I am entirely enthralled with the intelligence and creativity my child possesses... 


And then there are other days...  And on those days, I am blessed to get a picture of it for posterity's sake...

I am totally saving this for the future girlfriend.  I may even blow it up to poster size for his future wedding. 

Finding peace in upheaval

I wouldn't even know where to begin in discussing the insanity of the past couple weeks. We had a roommate, but now we don't. We were going to move, but now we aren't. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose! We're back to the three of us living in the house and still planning on moving. The commune idea is, unfortunately, dormant for now. I'm still trying to figure out what happened and why and kind of relieved I don't have to deal with anyone else's flakiness any more.  Flakiness is good in biscuits, not friendships!

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about the situation, but that's mostly due to things happening so fast that I'm still not sure what happened. As far as I know, it wasn't a big blow-out, which is good. There are things that concern me, but, as Big Guy told me when this happened, there's nothing I can do and it's not really my place to say anything.

We had also found a perfect place that would have worked wonderfully, but then things shifted right in the middle of trying to get it which led to lots of acrobatics on Big Guy's and my parts trying to get things all sorted out. In the middle of doing that, the place got rented out from under us. I'm irked about the acrobatics it required (which should have been completely unnecessary) but not horribly upset. It's back to the drawing board in terms of houses but we know what we want and we know what we can do. We've also decided that if we do try the commune idea again, we're going to start it on our own and let other people join. That way it doesn't matter if it takes off or not, we're still settled.

So, I've been practicing centering myself and finding silver linings along with looking for a new place to live. And I'll add to that, trying not to be concerned for our former roommate. Big Guy and I have already discussed how to handle this and we're in complete agreement. I just hope that our plans for the worst case scenario don't come to fruition. Someday, I may be able to talk to him about all of this, but I don't think that day has arrived and, hopefully, it will be a long way in the future. I'd rather be wrong in this case than right.

I finished the Song of Ice and Fire books and loved them... Right up to the end of A Feast For Crows. A Dance With Dragons has been in the works for 5+ years and GRRM shows no signs of finishing it. Little Guy has been reading up a storm and making up stories about everything. His latest stories have involved people and things from a couple animes we watched, The Last Exile and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Combined with Fat Princess, his stories involve swordfighting, flying and firebending. Between that and begging me to watch Monty Python, I love this kid.

Little Guy is Spirited not Strong-willed

I'm confining myself to the same strictures I put on my students and forcing myself to sit and write for 10 minutes straight.  Well, at least as straight as a parent who is home with a 4 year old can make it.  Right now, I'm up to about a minute of uninterrupted time.  I'm seriously impressed. 

Currently, Little Guy is ensconced in the hall with his cars.  I can't get him to finish his "brep-fast" of a banana on a hot dog bun smeared with peanut butter.  He asked for it and now he won't eat it.  Meals have become a battle ground.  Short of forcing him to sit, we're stuck with fighting him every step of the way to eat.  This has become the new "potty" argument. 

One of the things I have done recently is look up advice on "Strong willed" children.  I immediately decided I didn't approve of the group who had take "strong willed" as their banner phrase and instead decided to go with the parents of spirited children.  It may not seem to make sense, but I've discovered the advice on parenting "strong willed" children seems to advocate breaking their spirit and bending them to the parent's will.  Advice on parenting "spirited" children seems to advocate working with the spirited child and encouraging them to keep their sense of self while working within the bounds of society. 

I don't want to break his spirit or individuality.  He's going to need it as he gets older.  I want him to be able to make his own decisions and to be firm in his convictions.  I want him to not be afraid to stand up for the right thing, even if most people disagree with him.  I don't think that forcing him to follow a narrow path is the best way to do that.  Of course, I also have issues with society as a whole right now. I don't want him to follow the path that so many people seem to follow and be apathetic and content with the status quo. 

I think spirited children are our future and quite likely our only hope.  If we're so keen to make them fit into the cubby holes that society has deemed appropriate, we will never improve the situation in our country.  If Edison or Lincoln had done that which was expected of them, we would still be enslaving people by candlelight.  And, unfortunately, he has me for a mother.  I hate following the well-worn paths.  I'd much rather poke around and discover what I can find on my own.  I want him to feel comfortable doing that too. 

What this means for me, however, is a long period of time where I will be frustrated and irritated because my son has a mind of his own.  I just have to let him learn some things through trial and error.  Right now, we're not going to go outside because he hasn't finished breakfast.  Once he finishes breakfast, I will go out with him and turn on the sprinkler and let him play to his heart's content.  But he's being his spirited self and I suspect that won't happen before I have to get ready for work. 

I want to move NOW

We're looking at houses to move our group into. Whiteybare has claimed the front room for his own, but I'd really like to get a place where he feels more comfortable coming into the public areas of the house, and I believe that will only happen once we get a place with him. I'm always afraid that we're making him feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That worrying leads to hovering and, if I am not careful, will drive him insane.

I just want everyone to be happy and the idea of the commune is such a cheerful happy one that I can't help but want to make it a reality. Unfortunately, we have a ways to go before we can start forming the commune. One of the first steps is going to have to be forming the LLC. After we find a rental for our group where we can start setting aside money, we'll also start to build up money for a down payment. After we have some money set aside for a down payment, we'll look at houses and land. From there, we can start doing the communal thing.

I wish we could get started on it now, but there is no chance of that happening. We don't have the money for a down payment, and, even if we did, we don't have the credit for a loan. I'd love to be able to make a deal with someone in the area where we pay money for the land over a contracted period of time with someone who likes and supports what we're doing. Unfortunately, such deals are not in existance where we need them. We need to stay in the area where we currently reside. Whiteybare is a returning college student and needs to keep the in-state tuition. I am pretty well settled in my job and really could not find work like it elsewhere. And Big Guy needs to keep his job to pay his ex and cannot switch out unless it's for a higher paygrade.

In the meantime, I deal with the uncomfortable, impatient feeling. I want to be out of there NOW, and I know we can't get out NOW. So, I feel restless and irritated, ready to jump out at the word go. Unfortunately, this only irritates myself and my husband. Big Guy feels frustrated because I am not thrilled and he feels bad because it isn't what we want and he can't provide it for us right now. I try to keep my feelings, in that case, under wraps. I'm not a person who hides her emotions easily though, which only makes me more restless. Little Guy may pick up on the restlessness but it only serves to make him more hyper, a feat which is amazing enough considering his current level of hyper.

I tell myself that things will work out for the best. In the grand scheme of things, we are pretty well off. We have a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and many luxeries that others do not have. I'll just be glad when we get to do our own thing.

An out of town visit

As most people can attest to, I am not a morning person.  In truth, I hate mornings.  They make me tired and cranky.  And yet, yesterday I willingly removed myself from the warm confines of my blankets and pillows to go on a road trip to Holland, MI.  My sister-in-law lives up there and it's "Tulip Time".  Plus, we missed her at the birthday gathering in February and this was a great excuse to go see her. 

The tulips were beautiful and I really wish I had brought my camera.  I was a ditz (and tired) however, and I left the camera sitting at home on top of my desk.  I blame a lack of caffeine.  It was a great trip up there though.  We got there and had a cookout with my sister and brother-in-law, went and enjoyed "Tulip Time" and browsed the shops downtown.  I realized while I was there that Holland reminded me a great deal of a bigger St. Joseph, MI.  It seemed like the same quwaint, artsy shops that had high prices to take advantage of the tourist influx. 

At that point, I was greatly pleased that I had the advantage of growing up in a tourist town.  I know the city probably uses the money it gets from "Tulip Time" in a very similar fashion to St. Joe, but I also know when to pass on the prices.  Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of adorable, cute stuff there.  But there was also very little that I could not live without.  (Except for tea, because, really, who could live without tea.)

I know we're heading into the "Lake Michigan Shores" tourist season where people from "the big city" come in to visit and spend money.  We had the Blossomtime parade this weekend as well, an event I gladly missed.  Pretty soon the beaches will be crammed with people and the festivals will start.  This area is a great place to live, full of natural beauty and a wide variety of natural resources.  But that also means it brings in the tourists.  And I'm not a big fan of large groups of people.  They tend to be mean and stupid.  This is only the beginning of tourist time around here.  Soon the roads will be jammed with out of state plates, and I'll smile sweetly while inside I struggle to contain the festering rage they provoke. 

On the bright side, much of my time will be ensconced in classes and figuring out what's going on in my own life.  What we're doing, where we're going, and whether or not I'm going back to school for my Master's.  I want to go back, but I also don't.  Change makes me very nervous, very unsettled, and very unhappy.  Hell, I still prefer Christopher Eccleston as Doctor Who and it's been years since that changed.  We're on a completely new Doctor now and I'm still sorting out my feelings about that.  The stories are good, don't get me wrong.  But they've changed the intro, updated the music, changed the pacing, changed the Doctor, and even changed the Daleks.  How could they change the Daleks!

Bah...  Monday approaches and I'll start a new class for a new month and I still need to prepare my lecture notes for tomorrow.  We'll see how it goes! 

The Top and Bottom 3 worries of this parent

Today's blog prompt is sponsored by JuiceboxJungle and Kodak.  They asked what the top and bottom three things are that I worry about as a mom.  I had to think about all the things that I worry about (and there were a great many) and then I had to organize them by sheer amount of worry.  It was not an easy job and it took some time, but I think I have it figured out.

Top Three Things
1 - Health

We are one of the families that exist without insurance. The cost for insurance through Big Guy's business was just too much. Because we are forced to operate without insurance, I am always paranoid that he's going to get sick or injured and I watch carefully for those situations.  Luckily, I also try to feed him a steady diet of fruit, vegetables, and vitamins.  I also tend to hover to make sure that he doesn't put himself in a situation that could lead to bodily injury. 

2 - Money
Big Guy and I work very hard at our respective jobs, but money is always tight and there is usually very little left over at the end of the month. When we buy gifts, they are planned out well in advance and Big Guy and I have become expert bargain hunters.  I frequent Freecycle for clothes and we tend to shop for household goods and apparel.  If we're in the market for games, books or movies, I keep an eye on half.com and will keep watch on particular items for weeks at a time to ensure I get the best price. In fact, my birthday gift this year is particularly notable because I am getting it brand new on release. 

3 - Education
I exist in an almost perpetual state of terror that my child will be the one left behind.  Because of that, I push him beyond his normal age range in subjects such as reading and math.  Admittedly, he is much smarter than I give him credit for and this should probably fall in the bottom three things, but he is both my and Big Guy's son and that means I need to worry to ensure I push him enough to succeed or else he's likely to try and get away from studying. 

The Bottom Three Things

This was probably harder than the top three items.  What do I worry about least with this child of mine?  These items aren't really worries because I have evidence of my success everyday. 

1 - Happiness

I don't worry about Little Guy's level of happiness.  His laughter rings throughout the house regularly every day and he still laughs himself to breathlessness at least once every 12 hours.  I have seen him collapse with the giggles over something his dad or I have said that is just silly...  It's wonderful. 

2 - Self-esteem
If there is one thing that my son does not lack, it's self-esteem. If you were to ask him if he has self-esteem issues, he will tell you no, he doesn't.  He doesn't seem to comprehend that there may be people out there who don't want to spend time with him or who may not like him.  He is a friendly, cheerful, gregarious child who is firmly convinced that everyone loves him and he is in charge. 

3 - His View of Relationships

I am nearly certain that my son will have successful relationships as he grows because of how hard Big Guy and I work to ensure that our own relationship is a success.  We've attended marital therapy and will readily say that it was one of the best things we could have done for our marriage.  We had a strong relationship before we went, but the therapy improved our communication skills and provided a safe haven to learn to deal with issues that would come up and serve to temper our strongly-forged relationship.  If we can continue to provide an example of a well-honed relationship, our son will b able to emulate the better aspects of our relationship and hopefully avoid the mistakes that his father and I made in previous relationships.

Attempting to narrow down worries into only six was a difficult task, but was actually helpful to me as a parent.  I can see where my focus is and measure how I am doing over all.  It also helped reassure me that I am a good mother to this amazing child.  He is happy, mostly healthy, somewhat sane, and has been sheltered from the worst of the events that we've dealt with.  He's confident, brave, headstrong, willful, smart and imaginative.  He expresses love freely and accepts affection as a matter of course.  How lucky I am to have him. 

Weekend Gamers

Right now I'm sitting on the sofa with Big Guy watching him play Civilization Revolution while I put together my blog entry for today.  Because trailers are not so good at maintaining heat, I am curled up under one of my two Snuggie gifts for Christmas. We're also watching my niece, G, for my sister-in-law. She's adorable, if a semi-picky and extremely slow eater. She and Little Guy are currently ensconced in the front room playing Lego Star Wars 2. Currently, they are on a roll destroying R2-D2 so they can hear him yell.

We're a pretty tech-happy family. We love our PS2 and PS3 and, when console debates begin, of course support our brand of choice. It's really not that difficult, though I do wish Sony had not eliminated backwards compatibility from the PS3. The Playstation series has a lot of great things going for it, not the least of which is the Blu-Ray player that comes with the Playstation 3. And, Big Guy and I are pretty dedicated gamers. The irony is, when I met him, Big Guy hadn't had much experience with video games. I introduced him to my Playstation 2, and the rest is history. He became a video game addict like me.

Little Guy is proving to be a video game nerd like mommy and daddy. Of course, the poor child was doomed to nerd-hood anyhow. He runs through the house singing the Imperial Death March and, for a long time, recognized dinosaurs as "dragons". His preferred weapons are the laser guns, lightsabers, or a sword and shield. He also would prefer to be a Sith lord rather than a Jedi. He can speak some small words in Mandarin and can count to 100 and does so on a regular basis. Not too shabby for a 4 year old. I've been trying to get him to read because he LOVES books, but he's been giving me difficulties recently.

We went to the bargain book store the other day and he wanted a particular Pooh book, a level 2 book which contains higher level words and concepts. I told him that he could have it IF he showed me that he could read it. We went through the first couple pages and except for a difficulty with the word "heart" he read every word on those pages. The booger has been giving me difficulties, not because he's having trouble, but because he doesn't want us to know that he can do it. This ranks right up there with our issues with potty training.

Little Guy just turned 4 and is still in diapers. Everyone is full of advice and ideas, some of which we're going to have to implement in warmer weather. I think, though, that the biggest stumbling block to potty usage, is Little Guy's own determination. He adamantly refuses to use the potty, doesn't want to have anything to do with it, and will tolerate no discussion of using it. If he chooses to, he could probably get this potty training thing down with very little effort.

Instead, he's putting all his effort into avoiding it. When it gets to be spring and summer, I'm unleashing the child on the outdoors in a pair of underpants to try and learn potty time. I think it's going to be a battle of wills. Luckily, I'm bigger, older and have a better concept of patience and time.