Wordless Wednesday - Little Guy Seedlings

A trip down the old house lane

It was a wonderful weekend.  I love relaxing at home with my family.  When I work split shifts, I often find myself just wiped out during my free time.  I spend a great deal of time sleeping and recovering only to turn around and do it again the next day.  That is simply one of the reasons why the weekends are so desperately needed.  I get that extra day to recuperate. 

This weekend, we had a few errands to run on Friday.  Big Guy needed some new jeans since his were getting hole-ly.  I want to state for the record that I was perfectly fine with the state of his jeans, but then I'm not one to keep my hands off my husband.  In any case, we went to the closest Big & Tall shop only to discover that the cheapest jeans there were $50.  After. laughing inwardly at the thought of spending that much money on a pair of jeans, we had to decide where else to go.  Normally, we pick up our clothes from Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Big Guy, however, cannot find pants that fit him at the second-hand shops. He's too big and tall.  

We ended up going back to the shop in Elkhart.  We drove past the old house and discovered that A - they had put new railings on the stairs and B - whoever had moved in after us had moved out already, and the place was empty again.  Color me shocked.  That's what happens when you treat tenants like an endless, cheap resource.  However, it was nice to just drive by.  We didn't have to stop and we didn't have to go inside.  We just trundled on down to the shop to get Big Guy his jeans.  

However, the drive by did start Little Guy on his comparisons of the "old house" vs. the "new house" again.  The outcome hasn't changed.  He still thinks the old house is "rubbish," but he has decided that it is because of the ceilings.  When pressed for an explanation, he told me: "Our new ceilings are nice. Our old ceilings were rubbish and kind of...not good.". Make of that what you will...  

I spent the rest of the weekend and this morning hearing these types of comparisons.  While I am certainly glad that he likes where we live now, I am afraid I have broken him.  I really did not like our old house.  Obviously, he could tell.  

Welcome to February!

Classes for the month of February have begun, and the new month is underway.  My day started off too damn early.  Mornings are not my thing.  I am definitely more of a night owl.  So are the Big and Little Guys, it seems.  Both were less than pleased at waking up at dark o'clock so that I could get to work.  But, awaken, they did and off we went.  

My day has gone well thus far.  I am sitting at my desk on campus typing and working on my (visiting) iPad.  There is a slight catch though.  We are working with the iPads to prepare us for their introduction to the student body over the summer, but the books in my Fundamentals course are not compatible with the iPad.  The labs require the use of the program Flash... Which Apple does not allow iPads to install.  How will this affect the future of the iPad/Fundamentals integration?  I don't know, and, to be honest, those are concerns for someone higher up the pay scale than I.  

The iPad has already proven to be useful in multiple ways, and, I hate to admit, has started winning me over.  My ebook collection has grown significantly and I also downloaded some free books and apps for Little Guy, including a Lego Builder game app and a handwriting app that he can use to practice his handwriting.  Project Gutenberg has many of my favorite classics available for download, and I totally took advantage of that.  

I remember going on road trips when I was younger and taking two bags - one with the clothes I needed and the other full of books.  Something like this would have very useful to have in those days.  It certainly would have cut down on the amount of space I needed in the car!  Seeing how Little Guy interacts with this technology has also been fascinating.  

He really took to it like he was born with an iPad in hand.  He learned rapidly how to work it and get things done and he came downstairs the other night to tell me he really liked the iPad and could he please have one...  I laughed, but don't think it hasn't crossed my mind, especially with the sheer amount of educational software available.  However, there are certain things an iPad cannot do that are slightly more pressing - like cook food, since our microwave went out, or stir things really fast, since our mixer started smoking and died after we moved in.  I tell myself that someday we will get to a point where we can afford what we need AND what we want...  For now, I will make do with what we've got. 

A Brief Post and pictures

I'm coming down with something, so I think today's entry, by necessity, must be short. It's times like these I begin to feel my growing age.  Sleep is difficult, rest is difficult, and I'm not the 18 year old I still see in my mind's eye.  Things ache and crack and pop now.  They didn't always.

It was a busy and pleasing weekend.  We even took Little Guy to Zoo Boo on Sunday and had a blast.  He's going to be Darth Vader for Halloween, so it was great to see him get dressed up.  He was excited to go and, I believe, more excited to see the animals than to go trick-or-treating.

Wordless Wednesday - Homeschool Dinosaurs

The First Step of Our Homeschool Journey

We've started homeschooling our Little Guy, and I am discovering that it takes a serious change in view to school such a creative and bright child.  Most people who meet Little Guy are shocked by two things. The first thing they notice is that he's small for his age.  The kid is a victim of  maternal genetics.  The second thing they notice, after talking to him for a bit, is how quickly he picks up on things and how much knowledge he's already stored away in that head of his. 

The story of my life - Left behind, while he forges ahead

 

 

 

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The first step, I discovered, is letting go of my own notions of how his education should proceed.  Big Guy and I struggled with getting him to practice writing his letters.  Little Guy sat there with his pencil and paper and very passive aggressively refused to trace his alphabet.  He doodled, he sang, he made up stories starring his pencil and paper, but he WOULD NOT write his letters.  In response, we cajoled, we pleaded, we threatened, we yelled...  And then, we let it go.  I sighed, shrugged, and told him he could watch a TV show if he wrote five words down.  Any five words. 

And he did. 

It took less than two minutes.  Two hours of fighting over writing and in less than two minutes he wrote five words.  Big Guy and I looked at each other, shrugged, and let it go. Later on as we discussed the difficulties, we came tot he conclusion that we were approaching this the wrong way.  We had to keep in mind WHY we were homeschooling him.  We recognized that he would not handle the stereotypical school schedule well.  He'd rebel and then get in trouble.  We also didn't want him to HATE education, so we knew we'd have to do things differently than they would in a classroom. 

That's where we screwed up.  We approached the writing the way they do in school because that's the way we were taught.  We knew that wasn't going to work with him, and we tried it anyhow.  It worked exactly as we expected; he fought us.  So, we are re-evaluating.  Since he's still a young 'un, we're going to focus more on exposing him to things he'll learn about.  He CAN write, we just have to get him to do it.  Big Guy got him to write me a note while I was at work and left him alone to do it.  I came home to, "I miss you mommy."  We took advantage of Museum Day and took him to the Studebaker Museum and the Center for History. 

To be fair, that word can give lots of people trouble.

We're going to try things while we can and find something that works.  He's got a head start on his peer group; I want to keep him ahead and, more importantly, interested in learning. 

How would my story be told?

The National Public Radio released an article recently on the stories people tell as their lives come to a close. The psychiatrist who ran the study noticed that the stories people tell take a very different tone and focus as they are dying.  That got me thinking...  What would my story be?  Who would I want to have it? 

Everyone wants to believe that they matter.  Everyone wants to believe they made an impact on others' lives.  Why?  Probably because people really are small in the scheme of things.  With 6 billion people on the Earth, it's difficult to say that anyone can make a definite impact on anything.  Most people never write a great novel, sing an amazing song, or paint a spectacular picture.  Very few will become politicians or activists who actually make any sort of impact. 

I've come to believe the impact we make will depend solely on the people we interact with.  I realized that I've had about 400 students pass through my classes.  I've seen many of them succeed and graduate.  Even now, I have former students stop by just to say "hi."  I am pleased that, even if they don't LOVE English, they got something worthwhile out of my class.  I also know I can't reach everyone.  Sometimes, some of my students don't make it.  I hate that, but it is what it is. 

So when it comes down to it, I'd tell my story for Little Guy.  And I would want him to see what I accomplished and what he could accomplish.  I'd want him to know that I followed my heart...  Both in my career and in my personal life.  I married his father out of love, and I loved both of them more than anything.  I would want him to know how much I valued my education and how important critical thinking is.  More importantly, I'd want him to know that no matter what, I'm proud of him.  He's an amazing, brilliant child, and he can grow into an amazing brilliant man. 

I'd also write for Big Guy.  I'd want him to know that of all the unexpected things in life, he topped my list.  I'd try to make him see himself how I see him.  He's intelligent, sensitive, and creative.  I'd want him to have more confidence, to believe in what he can do more than he currently does.  He often sells himself so short. 

My mom would need to get a copy too, just so I can tell her how much I love her.  I like who I am, and I wouldn't be who I am without her.  I wouldn't have been able to achieve this without her...  Though I could have done without the writing addiction.  I blame her for that. 

I may never write the Great American Novel.  I may never give magnificent speeches or go to unique and spectacular places.  But I think I have made an impact.  And I am proud of the impact I made.  I think that's the important part when it comes to the end of life.  Did you do the best you could?  And I think I have.  

A Gardening Metaphor

Flowers, flowers everywhere

At Toddler in Tow, Amyables talks about her gardening adventure this year, and I must admit a bit of jealousy.  We didn't have a garden this year.  I decreed at the beginning of the season that we were moving, which meant anything I planted would be left behind in the move.  I refused to let someone else play the grasshopper to my ant. 

Now, however, we are in a place to garden and I intend to garden when Spring arrives.  I'd like to get Little Guy more involved and give him a place to garden as well.  It could definitely work as part of his science curriculum.  We were lucky that our landlord was a pretty avid gardening guy himself.  He had an amazing garden set-up to start with, and I look forward to maintaining and adding to it.  Little Guy already pulled out his watering can to water the flowers in the back yard.  There's a planter near the front door that I may give him some seeds and let him go to town. 

I would love for Little Guy to get the enjoyment and peace from flowers that I find in the dirt.  The past few years were difficult, and my garden really reflected how I felt about where we were.  Dropped into crap soil, we had to fight to survive.  Some parts did.  Some parts didn't.  I'd classify our family as much hardier than we were three years ago, but I suppose that happens when you prune away some of the dead wood. 

Pruning, in life as in the garden, seems to be an ongoing thing.  I unpacked with my mom today and she took 3 boxes and a bag to Goodwill.  She also took a couple boxes home for my nephew.  I feel bad about that because they were baby clothes and I would love to have another baby around the house.  Little Guy is getting so big and, while I know he loves me, isn't at the chubby-cheeked, wide-eyed innocent stage anymore.  Now he's a full boy with snips and snails and puppy-dog tails. 

But, I want our family to survive, so away go the baby clothes and other items we have no intention of doing something with.  I want my soil to be primed and ready because we deserve it.  Like most American families, the economic downturn has hurt.  Big Guy lost his job a year ago and we're limping by on unemployment and what I earn in teaching and writing.  But, we're also very blessed.  We've moved to a place that we intend to be a long-term stepping stone.  We're closer to my work and closer to our friends.  Big Guy has been able to be home with Little Guy and both were able to pack while I worked. 

Every rose does indeed have its thorn.

I believe that this time we have landed in more fertile soil and the garden is a reflection of that.  I look forward to seeing what comes up!

  

Adventures in Moving

We're moved.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to do it, and I must admit I panicked there a bit at the end.  We were truly blessed in the help we received from family and friends.  We finished moving 2.5 days earlier than we thought thanks to them.  That doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure though. 

Class ended for me on Thursday and that's when the moving weekend really began.  The next day we had to travel to the new house to wait for the cable guy.  While we were there, we put Little Guy's bed together and started making his room feel like a real home.  He had been having difficulties and I am positive it was due to all the changes.  His temper was shorter, he tried to push all the boundaries, and he just did not like what was going on.  Big Guy and I thought that getting some familiarity in his new room might settle things down.  So, while the cable guy set up our cable and internet, we set up the bed.  That may have been a mistake though, since he then wanted to spend the night there and we weren't done at the old place yet.  Plus, the bulk of moving was going to be done the next day.

 Saturday began bright and early.  Big Guy and a friend went to get the moving truck while Little Guy and I (mostly the *I*) continued to box things up and get things sorted.  All the electronic items were gone, waiting at the new house, and the entire house was just about done.  At about 10 am, people began to arrive and we started stacking stuff on the lawn and moving it into the truck.  Everyone took a load to the new place while I and two others held back and continued packing.  We were just about done when the truck returned and we finished up our last load for the day.  After that, we headed to the new place and crashed. We still had cleaning at the old place, but what we needed people and a truck to handle, we had managed to complete. 

Sunday, we were sore, we were tired, and we still had stuff to finish.  We went back to the old house to mop, vacuum, and finish wiping things down.  When we arrived, however, we were greeted with a surprise.  Someone had STOLEN our stair railings.  We considered that they may have been stolen for the metal...but someone had left the wrought iron doormat.  They hadn't just stolen the railings either, they broke the bolts getting them off.  Looking out our back window, we noticed that our back neighbors had a suspiciously familiar pair of railings while the guy across the street from them had their old railing.  It was beyond ridiculous.  We griped about it for the rest of the day as we finished cleaning but we got the place in order and went home.  We had a few boxes left that Big Guy was going to pack up the next day when he talked to the office about our missing rails. 

When he went in to the office to tell them someone had stolen our rails, the office's initial reaction was: "That's really not our problem."  Once he explained that we didn't waqnt to get charged on our move out and that we were renters, then they cared.  I couldn't believe it.  Yet another reason why we are so glad to be out of there.  After that he loaded up the last boxes and turned in the keys... And we were done there.  We've been unpacking and organizing and just generally trying to make ouselves at home.  The house is amazing and we love it already.  This has been such a positive move and a wonderful blessing for us.  I am thrilled.  And even Little Guy has started settling in. 

Month-End Introspection

Grading, fun for the whole family

I have reached the final hours of my month of craziness, and the time has come to really reflect on it.  Was I as successful a teacher, a wife, and a mother as I had hoped to be?  Definitely not.  Some of the things I accept were beyond my control.  I also learned to accept that not all students want to be here.  This is not necessarily a shortcoming on my part, in some cases the student simply does not accept their own role in their education and there is nothing I can do about that.  But even that was such a grab bag of emotions this month that I really need to look back and think about it. 

As an instructor... 
Bad: I think I wasn't as tough on some of my students as I should have been.  I had a student in one class that really brought the dynamic down.  That negativity bred more negativity in other students and led to a very difficult month.  I need to figure out a way to divert the negativity and figure out how my students can channel that energy into something positive. 

Good: The students I could connect with, I REALLY connected with.  And those students, even if other issues prevented them from being successful in my course, will definitely succeed in other ways. 

On the homefront:
Bad: The long hours at work this month left me disconnected from Big Guy and Little Guy.  They also contributed to one tired, stressed, and cranky Kitten as I tried to balance work and moving...  I was not always successful.  Little Guy, in particular, dislikes the long hours that go with a split shift.  He wailed at the thought of me having to go to work a few times.  I had to tell him on my days off that I was staying home.  And Tuesday, Big Guy came in to see me in my off period and Little Guy spent the last half of the visit crying because he wanted me to go home with him.

Part of his clinginess stems from the uproar of moving, I am sure.  But...  I still feel like a crap mom when it happens.  Although moving was the other rough part on the homefront.  By Sunday, this will all be behind me, but the stress of packing and organizing everything fell mainly on Big Guy because, well, he's home to do it.  However, my inability to affect the outcome led to stress and one massive blowout here at the end.  Next time we move, I may drink more heavily.

Good: The house is almost packed.  When we were able to work together, we did WELL.  Not only did we do well, but we were SPECTACULAR.  Plus, we were almost in each other's heads on the organization and planning on a regular basis.  It reiterated that Big Guy and I are definitely partners and definitely have improved our communication skills over the past 8 years.  The entire house is almost packed up and we are almost ready to go.  The house will be a definite step in the right direction (though I think any step out of where we are is "the right direction").  Where we have been living had a purpose, but that is long gone.  Now, we can start a new chapter. 

Overall, the month had its ups and downs, but it was a positive experience and certainly one I can use to gain insight into myself and my life.  Once it truly ends and next month begins with its classes as I live in the new place, I can see what new items I have carried with me and begin the planning for other areas. 

Split Shift Ramblings

This month, I am teaching a split shift.  Split shifts are rough on the body and the mind because the spread of the hours is so exhausting.  I have to start teaching at 8:30 am and that runs till almost 1 pm.  I get a stretch of hours in the middle then until I start again at 6 pm and teach all the way until 10 pm.  I'll go home tonight, whine a bit about food, and then sleep.  Luckily, I don't have to teach tomorrow.

Big Guy agreed to let me take his laptop to work with me, so I can sit in the adjunct office during the stretch of time where I don't have class and work on class stuff.  I will find this extremely helpful this month.  The free time in the middle of the day allowed me to get my morning class papers graded already.  I also was able to look at the books and figure out what I wanted to make copies of for my class before they got here.  I ought to plan what I want them to do for homework on Thursday, but I am seriously considering a power nap. 

Big Guy has also been packing a lunch for me for prevention of passing out during the day.  It is something I truly appreciate and I love having a husband who wants to take care of me.  He loves me, wants me to be happy, healthy and comfortable.  Unfortunately, that's not something that often happens over the course of a split shift month.  My program director tries not to give her instructors two split shifts in a row because it's horrible.  You really do put in 14 hour days and can't do anything outside of school on those days.  The funny/horrible part of this month's split shift is we're moving at the same time. Feel pity for Big Guy, who is taking care of Little Guy and packing all on his own.  I'll be able to get some of it done on Wednesdays and weekends, but the bulk of it falls to him. 

Yesterday, he got a ton of stuff packed in Little Guy's room.  It was impressive, considering Little Guy (like his mother) likes to be able to see everything he owns.  I adamantly refused to go in his room because I was terrified I was going to break something.  Last night, when I got home, Big Guy showed me that not only could we walk on his floor now, but there were "See You Later" boxes packed of toys.  Little Guy and Big Guy had decided what was going to be packed.

I'm hopeful that more stuff will be packed today, but my two Guys may decide to nap instead.  The split shift is hard on all of us.  Bleh, reading this over, I can tell my brain is mush right now.  Back to the grind goeth I.

A simple Friday

My usual Friday plans have been interrupted by the "light dusting" of snow we were to receive.  Apparently, in Indiana weatherman parlance, "light dusting" means "huddle inside your house for warmth".  So, instead I am making more bread and we've got PBS Kids on the television for Little Guy. 

One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to become more organized and manage time and money better.  The rapidly changing schedule is making it more important than ever to do so.  This month, I am working a split shift.  I teach one class in the morning and one class at night.  The week after next, however, my schedule changes for the next month.  I'll teach mornings and afternoons, leaving my evenings free.  I've been teaching nights for so long now, I'm not going to know what to do with myself.  Big Guy will get to be home during the day with our little monkey. 

If we can keep up the work we've been doing, we can survive just fine.  Big Guy and I need to take an opportunity to sit down and figure out a plan for the next few months, like what we'll do if I don't get two classes.  I've got a plan to save up money so that when the break hits, I'll be able to transfer over money to cover it.  Things may be tight and sort of complicated, but luckily we have the communication skills to figure it out. 

We're still looking at getting out of our current rental and, at this point, I am so done living here.  I'm sure some of it is just basic impatience on my part, but living here has not been the best experience.  This place had a purpose when we moved in, but that purpose has long since passed, and it's time for us to move to our new chapter of life.  Our life has changed so much since we moved in that our needs in a place have changed as well.  We're also not under pressure to move, which is a pleasant change.  We have been looking for a good place to live, price-wise and also life-wise.

We're not going to be able to get the perfect place, but we'll be able to find something that will serve us well.  And right now, Big Guy and I are in agreement that everything happens for a reason.  Hopefully the purpose of all of this will become apparent soon.

My child, king of left-brained creativity

As I watch my baby turn into a little boy, I am constantly amused and horrified at his imagination. He's a kid, an "all-boy" at its finest. He likes dinosaurs, cars, and letters. And when I say he likes letters, I mean the A-B-C type of letters. Right now, everything in life with him is broken down into letters. Aside from the usual stable of imaginary friends, he has begun to add 26 more.

Our day often involves discussion of letters, what they say, what they do (which starts with the letter sound), and what color they are. For example, quite often, there is a blue K kicking its way through the house. Or, as today, there was a red J jumping down the hallway. This can be complete with body twisting to make the shape of the letter. Though some of the shape making doesn't make sense, as in the letter C requiring you to wrap your arms about yourself.

His writing is full of letters too, and not necessarily in any order, but I am gathering sheet after sheet after sheet of random letter scribblings. It's amusing, but aren't most kids drawing pictures? If I ask him to draw a cat, he'll tell me no. He'd rather write the word cat. On the bright side, his writing is improving, but I am worried about other aspects of his creativity.

Perhaps this all stems from being right handed. Letters are logical and ordered, like math, and logic and order are domains of the left side of the brain. The right side, which controls left handedness is spatial and artistic. It's why I can't do math or taxes and why I love the diagramming of sentences. I don't worry too m uch about his imagination. The child comes up with all sorts of stories and involves so many things in them, I find it hard to keep them straight. He makes up songs and we have a very good time together playing in the realms of his world... I'm afraid we've broken him though. He's so full of life and so vivacious that sending him into the real world would crush him, I'm afraid. I love who he is, but the rest of the world won't understand him and that terrifies me.

What I did on my Summer Vacation

So, I have been very absent from my blog this summer. I imagine y'all would like to know where I dsappeared to and why. The easiest answer, I wanted a summer break. A lot happened, a few things changed, and we did get a new family member.

At the end of Spring, we had a roommate who had moved in, got a girlfriend, and then moved out. This threw a lot of plans into disarray and confusion since we had begun planning for the future with him in mind. One thing it did do, however, is solidify the desire that Big Guy and I have towards getting out. We hate where we're living, and we need to change. We know we're not signing another lease there and no matter what, we are done. While we won't be moving with the roommate, we will be moving with our Little Guy.

Speaking of Little Guy, we ended up cutting off the wonderful curls he had. I cried. I was trying to trim his hair so he didn't look quite so emo. I told him to hold still while I trimmed, and he did not. The resulting cut made the child look like a mini-Hitler, minus the moustache. We couldn't have that, so Big Guy took him into the bathroom and we shaved his head. He was bald. He cried and I cried and it was a horrible situation altogether. I tried to tell him he looked like Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He wanted none of that. "I don't want to look like Aang," he wailed. "I want to look like (Little Guy)!" It was heartbreaking.

He's also developed a dramatic streak a mile wide. I don't know where he gets it from but, holy christ, is he good at it. I've been keeping a record of some of the more amusing turns of phrase and incidents from him on his own Facebook Fan Page. Join up and follow along as the kid drives us all insane.

And, not too long ago, we had a new family member make his appearance. My sister had her baby, Baby G. This adorable infant has already surpassed Little Guy's record in weight and length. My son is freaking tiny but his cousin will apparently be built like a tank. Hopefully, this means an automatic bodyguard for the evil genius when they are older.

I've also been doing some writing for Demand Studios. It's not that I don't love you guys, but they pay more for writing than I've been earning from here. My goal is to actually earn som scratch for the fams! You can follow some of my writing at eHow. I do intend to get back into blogging now that summer is winding to a close. We didn't really do any of the activities I wanted to do this summer, which is rather depressing, but hopefully we can arrange things and do fun stuff this fall!
 
 

If a picture is worth a thousand words...

Some days I am entirely enthralled with the intelligence and creativity my child possesses... 


And then there are other days...  And on those days, I am blessed to get a picture of it for posterity's sake...

I am totally saving this for the future girlfriend.  I may even blow it up to poster size for his future wedding. 

Little Guy is Spirited not Strong-willed

I'm confining myself to the same strictures I put on my students and forcing myself to sit and write for 10 minutes straight.  Well, at least as straight as a parent who is home with a 4 year old can make it.  Right now, I'm up to about a minute of uninterrupted time.  I'm seriously impressed. 

Currently, Little Guy is ensconced in the hall with his cars.  I can't get him to finish his "brep-fast" of a banana on a hot dog bun smeared with peanut butter.  He asked for it and now he won't eat it.  Meals have become a battle ground.  Short of forcing him to sit, we're stuck with fighting him every step of the way to eat.  This has become the new "potty" argument. 

One of the things I have done recently is look up advice on "Strong willed" children.  I immediately decided I didn't approve of the group who had take "strong willed" as their banner phrase and instead decided to go with the parents of spirited children.  It may not seem to make sense, but I've discovered the advice on parenting "strong willed" children seems to advocate breaking their spirit and bending them to the parent's will.  Advice on parenting "spirited" children seems to advocate working with the spirited child and encouraging them to keep their sense of self while working within the bounds of society. 

I don't want to break his spirit or individuality.  He's going to need it as he gets older.  I want him to be able to make his own decisions and to be firm in his convictions.  I want him to not be afraid to stand up for the right thing, even if most people disagree with him.  I don't think that forcing him to follow a narrow path is the best way to do that.  Of course, I also have issues with society as a whole right now. I don't want him to follow the path that so many people seem to follow and be apathetic and content with the status quo. 

I think spirited children are our future and quite likely our only hope.  If we're so keen to make them fit into the cubby holes that society has deemed appropriate, we will never improve the situation in our country.  If Edison or Lincoln had done that which was expected of them, we would still be enslaving people by candlelight.  And, unfortunately, he has me for a mother.  I hate following the well-worn paths.  I'd much rather poke around and discover what I can find on my own.  I want him to feel comfortable doing that too. 

What this means for me, however, is a long period of time where I will be frustrated and irritated because my son has a mind of his own.  I just have to let him learn some things through trial and error.  Right now, we're not going to go outside because he hasn't finished breakfast.  Once he finishes breakfast, I will go out with him and turn on the sprinkler and let him play to his heart's content.  But he's being his spirited self and I suspect that won't happen before I have to get ready for work. 

Summer came in like a freaking Lion

Summer has come to Indiana unexpectedly.  Two weeks ago, we were fretting over frost advisories and today it's supposed to be in the upper 80's.  Sadly, this is common for Spring.  In April and May we have an equal chance of building a snowman or going swimming.  But eventually we will settle into the super-hot temps of summer and I'll complain that I wish it was cooler. 

On Mother's Day, we went out to my mom's house to go shooting with the rifle and had to wear warm clothes.  We went back this past weekend and we were sweating like crazy.  Shooting is fun, though my shoulder hurts for a day or two afterwords.  On Sunday night, I was sitting in my chair and I stretched and I heard a maswsive crack as the bones in my shoulder rearranged themselves.  I could actually feel the shift.  It was rather disconcerting. 

The arrival of summer also means that it's time to spend more time with Little Guy outside.  At some point today we are going to go outside and play in the sprinkler.  He loves the sprinkler and I love watching him play.  Right now, he's becoming such a little boy.  The baby aspects are disappearing and he's developing a little boy body and little boy legs.  I find myself looking at him and wondering where the baby went. 

Though watching him play as a little boy provides hours of amusement too.  Yesterday, Big Guy took him to the park while I was working.  Little Guy decided he had to pee and went to a corner of the playground, dropped trou, and peed.  Big Guy said the first clue he had that Little Guy was doing something he oughten't was a fellow park parent shouting: "He's peeing!  He's peeing!"  So.... We can never show our faces there again.  Of course, while we were regaling Whiteybare and his girlfriend with this story outside lst night, Little Guy went over to the lot next to us and started peeing again.  

 

"What are you doing?!" I shouted. 

"I'm peeing all over the place!" Little Guy shouted back with a grin.

I think he's definitely his father's child. 

I want to move NOW

We're looking at houses to move our group into. Whiteybare has claimed the front room for his own, but I'd really like to get a place where he feels more comfortable coming into the public areas of the house, and I believe that will only happen once we get a place with him. I'm always afraid that we're making him feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That worrying leads to hovering and, if I am not careful, will drive him insane.

I just want everyone to be happy and the idea of the commune is such a cheerful happy one that I can't help but want to make it a reality. Unfortunately, we have a ways to go before we can start forming the commune. One of the first steps is going to have to be forming the LLC. After we find a rental for our group where we can start setting aside money, we'll also start to build up money for a down payment. After we have some money set aside for a down payment, we'll look at houses and land. From there, we can start doing the communal thing.

I wish we could get started on it now, but there is no chance of that happening. We don't have the money for a down payment, and, even if we did, we don't have the credit for a loan. I'd love to be able to make a deal with someone in the area where we pay money for the land over a contracted period of time with someone who likes and supports what we're doing. Unfortunately, such deals are not in existance where we need them. We need to stay in the area where we currently reside. Whiteybare is a returning college student and needs to keep the in-state tuition. I am pretty well settled in my job and really could not find work like it elsewhere. And Big Guy needs to keep his job to pay his ex and cannot switch out unless it's for a higher paygrade.

In the meantime, I deal with the uncomfortable, impatient feeling. I want to be out of there NOW, and I know we can't get out NOW. So, I feel restless and irritated, ready to jump out at the word go. Unfortunately, this only irritates myself and my husband. Big Guy feels frustrated because I am not thrilled and he feels bad because it isn't what we want and he can't provide it for us right now. I try to keep my feelings, in that case, under wraps. I'm not a person who hides her emotions easily though, which only makes me more restless. Little Guy may pick up on the restlessness but it only serves to make him more hyper, a feat which is amazing enough considering his current level of hyper.

I tell myself that things will work out for the best. In the grand scheme of things, we are pretty well off. We have a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and many luxeries that others do not have. I'll just be glad when we get to do our own thing.

Video of life in the moment

Canon has released the PowerShot SX210 IS, which combines the ability to take great photos & also shoot high definition video. Canon and JuiceBoxJungle sponsored me to write this post, and talk about what shooting video means to my family.If you sign up for JuiceboxJungle, tell 'em Kittencaboodle sent ya! 

I'm a camera junkie.  When we bought our digital camera five years ago, I was seriously pregnant with Little Guy and we had decided it was a better idea to buy a digital camera considering how expensive film processing was and how many pictures we were likely to take with a new baby.  And we were right.  I have tons and tons of pictures, including the very first pictures of the newborn baby Little Guy. 

 

I have shot some really cute videos that were important to my family.  I also try to catch little things, funny situations that really epitomize what our family was like at that moment.  It's been a tumultuous year, and I would be lying if I didn't say that looking at old videos and photos didn't produce a bittersweet feeling, but I have come to accept what has gone on in my life and embrace the positive things that the change has wrought. 

My life with my husband and son has always been semi-crazy and the videos and pictures don't do it nearly enough justice. Our life now is no less crazy than it was before, it's just a whole new form of crazy.  I am content with the direction in which our life is moving.  Life is what it is, and we'll see where it takes us.  I'll try to catch video of it on the way. 

People need boundaries

For the most part, class is going well this month.  Admittedly, we’ve only had 3 class periods, but the students are becoming more interactive as they figure out what kind of class this is and what I am willing to deal with.  They seem pretty accepting of the stricter rules I’ve put down because I have established a clear boundary to my empathy.  I can be the good guy and then if they cross the boundary, they know what the repercussions are.  It’s almost like raising kids. 

My son, by the way, doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of boundary besides the definition of “something you cross or push”.  I’d swear the child was 14, not 4. When Whiteybare moved in, I informed Little Guy that he was NOT to go into Whiteybare’s room without express permission.  I even defined the boundary by the piece of wood across the threshold.  At that point, my child slid his foot halfway over the piece of wood and stopped.  When I caught him he pulled his foot back and then slowly did the same thing with his arm.  When I redefined the boundary as any part of the piece of wood, he laid down on the floor with his head in his hands and inched closer to the threshold. 

He’s lucky I love him.

This weekend is Mother’s Day. I adore my mom; I think this is well known.  Despite the craziness she passed down to me, she is still a wonderful mother.  And this weekend, we’re going to see her. I can’t wait until she gets her “new” car plated so I can go back to seeing her on a weekly basis.  I miss my Mother-daughter days. We used to have days like that when I was little, where I would spend time with my mom only.   We did shopping then too, but I always loved spending time with my mom.  I remember that was one of the things my step-father hated. He felt that my wanting to spend time with my mom was a sign I was “cowed” by her and under her thumb.  I suspect anyone who knows me would be amused by the idea that I would be cowed by anyone, and my mom would find it funny that I was cowed by her in particular. 

Why do I get the impression that my son will be the same way?