Life in a day

Watching the movie "Life in a Day" is a good reminder of two things. 1 - We are all connected and 2 - Someone always has it worse.  Everyone does what they can just to survive in some cases but they filmed their day because they were thankful for whatever life they have.

There are days when I am angry about the difficulties I've experienced, just as I am sure most people are.  But then I look at my husband and son and I am reminded how wonderful even the gloomiest of times can be.  It's good to see that I'm not the only one to realize it.  Everyone across the world feels this way.

It's important, I think, to examine your life on a regular basis.  I try to remember everything and take pictures as often as I can remember to document life.  I also try to remember my mistakes, so I can avoid repeating them.  As hippie as it sounds, I try to balance pragmatism with optimism, cynicism with trust.  This is harder than it sounds for someone who possesses a dry, dark sense of humor.

Honestly, I love people, but I detest the lack of common sense I see displayed all the time.  I love teaching and I adore my students.  I find it shameful how badly our educational system has failed us though... I know this is a familiar rant.  When I see how determined some of my students are, though, it gives me hope.  And teaching reminds me how lucky I am.  I am smart, clever and creative.  I desperately hope to pass those traits on to my son.

So, I like movies that examine the human condition and reminds me that we all have similar hopes and fears, and we're capable of great things and capable of great failings...  Sometimes in the same 24 hour period. And sometimes, the most amazing thing is simply that we exist, right here and now.  We speak, we breathe, we communicate.  No matter who you are, you matter.  This truly is life.

How would my story be told?

The National Public Radio released an article recently on the stories people tell as their lives come to a close. The psychiatrist who ran the study noticed that the stories people tell take a very different tone and focus as they are dying.  That got me thinking...  What would my story be?  Who would I want to have it? 

Everyone wants to believe that they matter.  Everyone wants to believe they made an impact on others' lives.  Why?  Probably because people really are small in the scheme of things.  With 6 billion people on the Earth, it's difficult to say that anyone can make a definite impact on anything.  Most people never write a great novel, sing an amazing song, or paint a spectacular picture.  Very few will become politicians or activists who actually make any sort of impact. 

I've come to believe the impact we make will depend solely on the people we interact with.  I realized that I've had about 400 students pass through my classes.  I've seen many of them succeed and graduate.  Even now, I have former students stop by just to say "hi."  I am pleased that, even if they don't LOVE English, they got something worthwhile out of my class.  I also know I can't reach everyone.  Sometimes, some of my students don't make it.  I hate that, but it is what it is. 

So when it comes down to it, I'd tell my story for Little Guy.  And I would want him to see what I accomplished and what he could accomplish.  I'd want him to know that I followed my heart...  Both in my career and in my personal life.  I married his father out of love, and I loved both of them more than anything.  I would want him to know how much I valued my education and how important critical thinking is.  More importantly, I'd want him to know that no matter what, I'm proud of him.  He's an amazing, brilliant child, and he can grow into an amazing brilliant man. 

I'd also write for Big Guy.  I'd want him to know that of all the unexpected things in life, he topped my list.  I'd try to make him see himself how I see him.  He's intelligent, sensitive, and creative.  I'd want him to have more confidence, to believe in what he can do more than he currently does.  He often sells himself so short. 

My mom would need to get a copy too, just so I can tell her how much I love her.  I like who I am, and I wouldn't be who I am without her.  I wouldn't have been able to achieve this without her...  Though I could have done without the writing addiction.  I blame her for that. 

I may never write the Great American Novel.  I may never give magnificent speeches or go to unique and spectacular places.  But I think I have made an impact.  And I am proud of the impact I made.  I think that's the important part when it comes to the end of life.  Did you do the best you could?  And I think I have.  

What I did on my Summer Vacation

So, I have been very absent from my blog this summer. I imagine y'all would like to know where I dsappeared to and why. The easiest answer, I wanted a summer break. A lot happened, a few things changed, and we did get a new family member.

At the end of Spring, we had a roommate who had moved in, got a girlfriend, and then moved out. This threw a lot of plans into disarray and confusion since we had begun planning for the future with him in mind. One thing it did do, however, is solidify the desire that Big Guy and I have towards getting out. We hate where we're living, and we need to change. We know we're not signing another lease there and no matter what, we are done. While we won't be moving with the roommate, we will be moving with our Little Guy.

Speaking of Little Guy, we ended up cutting off the wonderful curls he had. I cried. I was trying to trim his hair so he didn't look quite so emo. I told him to hold still while I trimmed, and he did not. The resulting cut made the child look like a mini-Hitler, minus the moustache. We couldn't have that, so Big Guy took him into the bathroom and we shaved his head. He was bald. He cried and I cried and it was a horrible situation altogether. I tried to tell him he looked like Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He wanted none of that. "I don't want to look like Aang," he wailed. "I want to look like (Little Guy)!" It was heartbreaking.

He's also developed a dramatic streak a mile wide. I don't know where he gets it from but, holy christ, is he good at it. I've been keeping a record of some of the more amusing turns of phrase and incidents from him on his own Facebook Fan Page. Join up and follow along as the kid drives us all insane.

And, not too long ago, we had a new family member make his appearance. My sister had her baby, Baby G. This adorable infant has already surpassed Little Guy's record in weight and length. My son is freaking tiny but his cousin will apparently be built like a tank. Hopefully, this means an automatic bodyguard for the evil genius when they are older.

I've also been doing some writing for Demand Studios. It's not that I don't love you guys, but they pay more for writing than I've been earning from here. My goal is to actually earn som scratch for the fams! You can follow some of my writing at eHow. I do intend to get back into blogging now that summer is winding to a close. We didn't really do any of the activities I wanted to do this summer, which is rather depressing, but hopefully we can arrange things and do fun stuff this fall!
 
 

An out of town visit

As most people can attest to, I am not a morning person.  In truth, I hate mornings.  They make me tired and cranky.  And yet, yesterday I willingly removed myself from the warm confines of my blankets and pillows to go on a road trip to Holland, MI.  My sister-in-law lives up there and it's "Tulip Time".  Plus, we missed her at the birthday gathering in February and this was a great excuse to go see her. 

The tulips were beautiful and I really wish I had brought my camera.  I was a ditz (and tired) however, and I left the camera sitting at home on top of my desk.  I blame a lack of caffeine.  It was a great trip up there though.  We got there and had a cookout with my sister and brother-in-law, went and enjoyed "Tulip Time" and browsed the shops downtown.  I realized while I was there that Holland reminded me a great deal of a bigger St. Joseph, MI.  It seemed like the same quwaint, artsy shops that had high prices to take advantage of the tourist influx. 

At that point, I was greatly pleased that I had the advantage of growing up in a tourist town.  I know the city probably uses the money it gets from "Tulip Time" in a very similar fashion to St. Joe, but I also know when to pass on the prices.  Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of adorable, cute stuff there.  But there was also very little that I could not live without.  (Except for tea, because, really, who could live without tea.)

I know we're heading into the "Lake Michigan Shores" tourist season where people from "the big city" come in to visit and spend money.  We had the Blossomtime parade this weekend as well, an event I gladly missed.  Pretty soon the beaches will be crammed with people and the festivals will start.  This area is a great place to live, full of natural beauty and a wide variety of natural resources.  But that also means it brings in the tourists.  And I'm not a big fan of large groups of people.  They tend to be mean and stupid.  This is only the beginning of tourist time around here.  Soon the roads will be jammed with out of state plates, and I'll smile sweetly while inside I struggle to contain the festering rage they provoke. 

On the bright side, much of my time will be ensconced in classes and figuring out what's going on in my own life.  What we're doing, where we're going, and whether or not I'm going back to school for my Master's.  I want to go back, but I also don't.  Change makes me very nervous, very unsettled, and very unhappy.  Hell, I still prefer Christopher Eccleston as Doctor Who and it's been years since that changed.  We're on a completely new Doctor now and I'm still sorting out my feelings about that.  The stories are good, don't get me wrong.  But they've changed the intro, updated the music, changed the pacing, changed the Doctor, and even changed the Daleks.  How could they change the Daleks!

Bah...  Monday approaches and I'll start a new class for a new month and I still need to prepare my lecture notes for tomorrow.  We'll see how it goes! 

Parenting while sick - the gift that never stops giving

Well, it's happened.  Big Guy's cold has worked it's insidious way into my body and now I am huddled up at home with a stuffy nose, headache, achy body, the works.  Right now I've dressed Little Guy in a diaper and laid him down for a nap because he started whining over a mess he made which precluded playing with a particular toy.  While I was trying to clean it up, he started doing this screechy scream thing because he wanted it and he wanted it now.  I gave him a five count and when he kept pushing, told him he was going down for a nap.   This screechy scream is always a bone of contention between Little Guy and his parents. 

I know my patience is at a low point right now, and I try to balance it out when I know I'm not feeling well. Parenting while sick is so very difficult.  Trying to figure out the proper way to parent and ensure you aren't too harsh because your patience is low or too lenient because you don't want to deal with things is one of the biggest issues.  Right now, I am relatively certain that he needs a nap and I need a time out from him or else I am going to have a mommy meltdown.  And, when you're sick, minimizing stress needs to be a key point.  You may enforce the rules more closely when you're sick, but that's OK.  Enforce the rules, but make sure you don't go overboard too.  

For sick parents who are home all day with the little ones, it may seem like your time with them will never end, particularly when the normal routine for a stay at home parent extends, in general, until the child goes to bed.  I recognize that, for the most part, I have Little Guy on my own during the day and then, on nights where I don't teach, Big Guy and I split the parenting at night.  On nights where I teach, Big Guy gets a half-measure of the day's activities and then we work together when I get home.  Tonight, though, I've already told Big Guy that he needs to take over with Little Guy when he gets home.  I'm not going to have the energy to chase Little Guy or nail his butt to the potty chair. 

Little Guy wants to do all the normal things we do, which often means climbing on mommy like a jungle gym and having a playmate who will pretend with him.  Thanks to the achy muscles, the jungle gym was closed today and, while I could definitely applaud his imagination, I was too brain-dead to help come up with more stories.  I am sure some of his afternoon meltdown is simply a frustrated reaction to the change, and I wish I could make it better for him.  However, I don't want him to get sick, so snuggles and kisses are off the table for today. 

As it is, being curled up on the sofa with the laptop and some tea has helped to recharge the mommy batteries, but I still think both of us need at least an hour's time out.  Little Guy's stopped being mad about being stuck in his room and I can hear him playing.  I can let it go because he's not wound up and I know that eventually he will fall asleep.  I will continue to curl up on the sofa and maybe even allow myself some time playing Bioshock 2.  The goal is to relax without letting Little Guy walk all over me or allowing myself to overextend and become even more ill. 

And hopefully I'll see you on the flip side of this cold. 

Characters of life

As a writing instructor, I have to guide my students to write properly in many areas.  This month, in the fundamentals class, I teach them how to construct proper sentences and paragraphs.  In Composition I and II we cover six other types, from a process analysis paper all the way to persuasive essays.  In there, as well, we teach them what makes up a good story and the basic elements of plot.  In my Comp II classes, I finish the month with a movie and a brief overview of interpretive analysis papers and how to identify whether or not characters are rounded or flat.

As humans, our lives tend to be filled with many rounded characters; they have their light sides and their dark sides.  Life falls into many grey areas and we are left to decide what is acceptable.  As a writer, I try to plan out all my characters.  I know their background and history, I know their likes and dislikes.  I know what makes them tick.  And, with all my characters, I always include a "fatal flaw".  And like most writers, my characters' fatal flaws are based on my own experience with such flaws. 

I recognize my weaknesses, whether or not I want to.  I recognize I suffer from a certain amount of hubris.  I don't think it's a large amount, but I can also recognize times where my pride can get in the way.  I can also recognize the good that pride can achieve.  It's that pride that allows me the confidence to stand in front of a classroom night after night and teach. 

I also recognize that, at times, I may be a little stubborn and headstrong.  I will throw myself eagerly into the fray if I feel that it is the right thing to do.  This can be bad since, in my headlong rush to join in, I don't take stock of the situation and will, quite often, find myself pitted against stronger foes than me.  Big Guy has been known to yank me out of situations he has decided were too dangerous, either for me or overall.  He's described watching me handle these situations as akin to watching a small kitten face off against a large dog where the kitten thinks it's bigger than it is and the dog doesn't know what to do with the little thing hissing and spitting at it. 

Really, our quirks make us who we are,  I am always looking out for those interesting quirks in people because they are fascinating and wonderful.  Big Guy, the love of my life, has his own share of quirks.  He has a "white knight complex" which has led to his share of hard times.   However, it also led to our getting together when he helped me move in a pinch.  People are such interesting things. 

What are your flaws?  What flaws, if you write, are always there in your characters?