An open letter to my alienated oldest step-daughter

Dear Oldest Child,

I have started this letter several times and in several ways, but the likelihood of you ever reading it is slim, so I guess it doesn't really matter. You are 18 now, graduating (or graduated). Welcome to life after childhood. I know you won't understand what that means yet. You still need time to work out the hormones and figure out what life really is before you can see reality for what it is.

My days of trying to be the super-step-mom are long over, so I won't issue sweet platitudes o r give rose-colored advice on your future. It wouldn't matter to you anyhow. We aren't a part of your life; we won't be invited to your graduation. It's not as much of a stepping stone anymore. It's just another mile marker in the long road where you and your siblings move further and further away from your father.

Your father still waits for you to call because he believed you at Grand-dad's funeral. He believed that you were sorry; he believed that once you were grown and free, you would call. He doesn't want to bring pain on you from your mother, so he didn't even send you a Facebook message regarding your birthday because you told him she would “freak”. And, since I have relinquished my step-mom crown, I am working hard on letting it go. I am not responsible for his relationship with you or your relationship with him.

Letting it go is difficult, though. especially when I look back over the years. 10 years, your father and I have been together. I still remember you as the little girl who cried at the wedding because you were afraid you weren't going to get to come. Your mom had told you she wasn't letting it happen, and so your father and I sneakily moved the wedding forward. We paid for it afterwards. We didn't see any of you for three months.

I remember many things, stories that we kept from you because we wanted to believe that doing the right thing meant that we would achieve the goal of having a happy, blended family in the long run. So, we didn't involve you in the battle, we followed advice that said to answer the questions briefly, but remind kids that they should be kids and not worry about it. Boy, were we wrong. Funny how you can play by the rules, but still lose. That's a lesson in being a grown-up. Good luck with that one.

I remember the last day, when you left our house for good. You hated us, you said. You hated Little Guy. He wasn't your brother... Never mind that your mom's child, born of a different relationship, apparently was, and is. It was then that I realized, listening to the words coming from your mouth, that I could never trust you with your father's and my child.

We were mean. How? You didn't know. You just knew we were. We were abusive. How? You didn't know. We just were.

You stared at me sullenly when I finally confronted you about some of the lies your mom had spewed, and confirmed that you had fed them to her. I doubt you ever cleared up that misconception, and it doesn't matter anyhow, I suppose. Your mom has and always will hate your dad. You and your siblings will always be sucked into it.

So, I suppose in a way, I am glad for you. This is your chance to escape. I hope you take it. This is your chance to make amends and build bridges with your father. I hope you do that too. He loves you, more than you will ever know. He is a good man who believes the best in people. It was how he lasted so long with your mom. He believes in you, too. And he desperately misses you and your siblings.

As for me, as I said, I am done being super-step-mom. I'm not playing by those rules any more. I won't pull punches and I will never sugar coat things about your mom ever again. So, while I encourage you to build bridges with your father, I encourage you even more to do it without me. I am not who I once was, and I will not pretend things are as they once were. That land has been burned and salted.

But mostly, get away from your mom. I know you love her, and I believe in her own sick, twisted way, she loves you the best a bi-polar narcissist can. Your own sanity may depend on you loving her from afar.

Sincerely,

Kitten

The First Step of Our Homeschool Journey

We've started homeschooling our Little Guy, and I am discovering that it takes a serious change in view to school such a creative and bright child.  Most people who meet Little Guy are shocked by two things. The first thing they notice is that he's small for his age.  The kid is a victim of  maternal genetics.  The second thing they notice, after talking to him for a bit, is how quickly he picks up on things and how much knowledge he's already stored away in that head of his. 

The story of my life - Left behind, while he forges ahead

 

 

 

.

The first step, I discovered, is letting go of my own notions of how his education should proceed.  Big Guy and I struggled with getting him to practice writing his letters.  Little Guy sat there with his pencil and paper and very passive aggressively refused to trace his alphabet.  He doodled, he sang, he made up stories starring his pencil and paper, but he WOULD NOT write his letters.  In response, we cajoled, we pleaded, we threatened, we yelled...  And then, we let it go.  I sighed, shrugged, and told him he could watch a TV show if he wrote five words down.  Any five words. 

And he did. 

It took less than two minutes.  Two hours of fighting over writing and in less than two minutes he wrote five words.  Big Guy and I looked at each other, shrugged, and let it go. Later on as we discussed the difficulties, we came tot he conclusion that we were approaching this the wrong way.  We had to keep in mind WHY we were homeschooling him.  We recognized that he would not handle the stereotypical school schedule well.  He'd rebel and then get in trouble.  We also didn't want him to HATE education, so we knew we'd have to do things differently than they would in a classroom. 

That's where we screwed up.  We approached the writing the way they do in school because that's the way we were taught.  We knew that wasn't going to work with him, and we tried it anyhow.  It worked exactly as we expected; he fought us.  So, we are re-evaluating.  Since he's still a young 'un, we're going to focus more on exposing him to things he'll learn about.  He CAN write, we just have to get him to do it.  Big Guy got him to write me a note while I was at work and left him alone to do it.  I came home to, "I miss you mommy."  We took advantage of Museum Day and took him to the Studebaker Museum and the Center for History. 

To be fair, that word can give lots of people trouble.

We're going to try things while we can and find something that works.  He's got a head start on his peer group; I want to keep him ahead and, more importantly, interested in learning. 

Mommy Page Post

Mommy Page approached me for an interview in return for a post about them here.  I am not one to advertise for someone or something I don't support, so the first thing I did was go to their website to see exactly what I would be talking about. 

They have plenty of coupons and freebies for the financially conscious among us.  I saw coupons for Zulily, Overstock.com and JC Penny.  And with the holiday season approaching, this is probably a very good thing. Big Guy and I have an ongoing contest to see who can get the most and best stuff for the least amount of money.  (I win.  Always.)

There are sections with articles for every stage of early motherhood: from pregnancy to toddlerhood.  Those seem to be the stages that mothers search for the most online.  Once kids hit school-age, you stop worrying about whether or not you're going to break them.  Chances are, you already have, and you know it.

They also have a series of interviews with other Mommy Bloggers.  That's what I find most interesting.  We're always looking for people to connect with and these interviews give you a snapshot into other Mommy Bloggers lives and may give you another person to talk to, read, or connect with. 

Check it out.  Poke around.  See what there is to see.  And, eventually, you will see an interview with yours truly. 

My child, king of left-brained creativity

As I watch my baby turn into a little boy, I am constantly amused and horrified at his imagination. He's a kid, an "all-boy" at its finest. He likes dinosaurs, cars, and letters. And when I say he likes letters, I mean the A-B-C type of letters. Right now, everything in life with him is broken down into letters. Aside from the usual stable of imaginary friends, he has begun to add 26 more.

Our day often involves discussion of letters, what they say, what they do (which starts with the letter sound), and what color they are. For example, quite often, there is a blue K kicking its way through the house. Or, as today, there was a red J jumping down the hallway. This can be complete with body twisting to make the shape of the letter. Though some of the shape making doesn't make sense, as in the letter C requiring you to wrap your arms about yourself.

His writing is full of letters too, and not necessarily in any order, but I am gathering sheet after sheet after sheet of random letter scribblings. It's amusing, but aren't most kids drawing pictures? If I ask him to draw a cat, he'll tell me no. He'd rather write the word cat. On the bright side, his writing is improving, but I am worried about other aspects of his creativity.

Perhaps this all stems from being right handed. Letters are logical and ordered, like math, and logic and order are domains of the left side of the brain. The right side, which controls left handedness is spatial and artistic. It's why I can't do math or taxes and why I love the diagramming of sentences. I don't worry too m uch about his imagination. The child comes up with all sorts of stories and involves so many things in them, I find it hard to keep them straight. He makes up songs and we have a very good time together playing in the realms of his world... I'm afraid we've broken him though. He's so full of life and so vivacious that sending him into the real world would crush him, I'm afraid. I love who he is, but the rest of the world won't understand him and that terrifies me.

What I did on my Summer Vacation

So, I have been very absent from my blog this summer. I imagine y'all would like to know where I dsappeared to and why. The easiest answer, I wanted a summer break. A lot happened, a few things changed, and we did get a new family member.

At the end of Spring, we had a roommate who had moved in, got a girlfriend, and then moved out. This threw a lot of plans into disarray and confusion since we had begun planning for the future with him in mind. One thing it did do, however, is solidify the desire that Big Guy and I have towards getting out. We hate where we're living, and we need to change. We know we're not signing another lease there and no matter what, we are done. While we won't be moving with the roommate, we will be moving with our Little Guy.

Speaking of Little Guy, we ended up cutting off the wonderful curls he had. I cried. I was trying to trim his hair so he didn't look quite so emo. I told him to hold still while I trimmed, and he did not. The resulting cut made the child look like a mini-Hitler, minus the moustache. We couldn't have that, so Big Guy took him into the bathroom and we shaved his head. He was bald. He cried and I cried and it was a horrible situation altogether. I tried to tell him he looked like Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He wanted none of that. "I don't want to look like Aang," he wailed. "I want to look like (Little Guy)!" It was heartbreaking.

He's also developed a dramatic streak a mile wide. I don't know where he gets it from but, holy christ, is he good at it. I've been keeping a record of some of the more amusing turns of phrase and incidents from him on his own Facebook Fan Page. Join up and follow along as the kid drives us all insane.

And, not too long ago, we had a new family member make his appearance. My sister had her baby, Baby G. This adorable infant has already surpassed Little Guy's record in weight and length. My son is freaking tiny but his cousin will apparently be built like a tank. Hopefully, this means an automatic bodyguard for the evil genius when they are older.

I've also been doing some writing for Demand Studios. It's not that I don't love you guys, but they pay more for writing than I've been earning from here. My goal is to actually earn som scratch for the fams! You can follow some of my writing at eHow. I do intend to get back into blogging now that summer is winding to a close. We didn't really do any of the activities I wanted to do this summer, which is rather depressing, but hopefully we can arrange things and do fun stuff this fall!
 
 

If a picture is worth a thousand words...

Some days I am entirely enthralled with the intelligence and creativity my child possesses... 


And then there are other days...  And on those days, I am blessed to get a picture of it for posterity's sake...

I am totally saving this for the future girlfriend.  I may even blow it up to poster size for his future wedding. 

Little Guy is Spirited not Strong-willed

I'm confining myself to the same strictures I put on my students and forcing myself to sit and write for 10 minutes straight.  Well, at least as straight as a parent who is home with a 4 year old can make it.  Right now, I'm up to about a minute of uninterrupted time.  I'm seriously impressed. 

Currently, Little Guy is ensconced in the hall with his cars.  I can't get him to finish his "brep-fast" of a banana on a hot dog bun smeared with peanut butter.  He asked for it and now he won't eat it.  Meals have become a battle ground.  Short of forcing him to sit, we're stuck with fighting him every step of the way to eat.  This has become the new "potty" argument. 

One of the things I have done recently is look up advice on "Strong willed" children.  I immediately decided I didn't approve of the group who had take "strong willed" as their banner phrase and instead decided to go with the parents of spirited children.  It may not seem to make sense, but I've discovered the advice on parenting "strong willed" children seems to advocate breaking their spirit and bending them to the parent's will.  Advice on parenting "spirited" children seems to advocate working with the spirited child and encouraging them to keep their sense of self while working within the bounds of society. 

I don't want to break his spirit or individuality.  He's going to need it as he gets older.  I want him to be able to make his own decisions and to be firm in his convictions.  I want him to not be afraid to stand up for the right thing, even if most people disagree with him.  I don't think that forcing him to follow a narrow path is the best way to do that.  Of course, I also have issues with society as a whole right now. I don't want him to follow the path that so many people seem to follow and be apathetic and content with the status quo. 

I think spirited children are our future and quite likely our only hope.  If we're so keen to make them fit into the cubby holes that society has deemed appropriate, we will never improve the situation in our country.  If Edison or Lincoln had done that which was expected of them, we would still be enslaving people by candlelight.  And, unfortunately, he has me for a mother.  I hate following the well-worn paths.  I'd much rather poke around and discover what I can find on my own.  I want him to feel comfortable doing that too. 

What this means for me, however, is a long period of time where I will be frustrated and irritated because my son has a mind of his own.  I just have to let him learn some things through trial and error.  Right now, we're not going to go outside because he hasn't finished breakfast.  Once he finishes breakfast, I will go out with him and turn on the sprinkler and let him play to his heart's content.  But he's being his spirited self and I suspect that won't happen before I have to get ready for work. 

Parenting while sick - the gift that never stops giving

Well, it's happened.  Big Guy's cold has worked it's insidious way into my body and now I am huddled up at home with a stuffy nose, headache, achy body, the works.  Right now I've dressed Little Guy in a diaper and laid him down for a nap because he started whining over a mess he made which precluded playing with a particular toy.  While I was trying to clean it up, he started doing this screechy scream thing because he wanted it and he wanted it now.  I gave him a five count and when he kept pushing, told him he was going down for a nap.   This screechy scream is always a bone of contention between Little Guy and his parents. 

I know my patience is at a low point right now, and I try to balance it out when I know I'm not feeling well. Parenting while sick is so very difficult.  Trying to figure out the proper way to parent and ensure you aren't too harsh because your patience is low or too lenient because you don't want to deal with things is one of the biggest issues.  Right now, I am relatively certain that he needs a nap and I need a time out from him or else I am going to have a mommy meltdown.  And, when you're sick, minimizing stress needs to be a key point.  You may enforce the rules more closely when you're sick, but that's OK.  Enforce the rules, but make sure you don't go overboard too.  

For sick parents who are home all day with the little ones, it may seem like your time with them will never end, particularly when the normal routine for a stay at home parent extends, in general, until the child goes to bed.  I recognize that, for the most part, I have Little Guy on my own during the day and then, on nights where I don't teach, Big Guy and I split the parenting at night.  On nights where I teach, Big Guy gets a half-measure of the day's activities and then we work together when I get home.  Tonight, though, I've already told Big Guy that he needs to take over with Little Guy when he gets home.  I'm not going to have the energy to chase Little Guy or nail his butt to the potty chair. 

Little Guy wants to do all the normal things we do, which often means climbing on mommy like a jungle gym and having a playmate who will pretend with him.  Thanks to the achy muscles, the jungle gym was closed today and, while I could definitely applaud his imagination, I was too brain-dead to help come up with more stories.  I am sure some of his afternoon meltdown is simply a frustrated reaction to the change, and I wish I could make it better for him.  However, I don't want him to get sick, so snuggles and kisses are off the table for today. 

As it is, being curled up on the sofa with the laptop and some tea has helped to recharge the mommy batteries, but I still think both of us need at least an hour's time out.  Little Guy's stopped being mad about being stuck in his room and I can hear him playing.  I can let it go because he's not wound up and I know that eventually he will fall asleep.  I will continue to curl up on the sofa and maybe even allow myself some time playing Bioshock 2.  The goal is to relax without letting Little Guy walk all over me or allowing myself to overextend and become even more ill. 

And hopefully I'll see you on the flip side of this cold. 

Potty training body parts

Stephanie at The Dirty Mommy blog discussed an amusing tale with her young daughter showing her anatomy smarts on the playground.  I think most parents can recognize how embarrassing it is, particularly since kids seem to pick times when you least expect to be having that particular discussion. 

We've been dealing something similar with our Little Guy.  We try to use the correct terms for his body parts and he seems to understand it pretty well.  He's known for a while that he has a penis.  However, he's reaching a point where he's now recognizing the difference between boys and girls.  So far we have established that (always at the top of his lungs) Little Guy has a penis, Daddy has a penis and boy-cat Tiger has a penis.  He's always so proud of himself for identifying them.  Petting girl-cat Caitlin, on the other hand produced shock and concern. 

Caitlin was sitting on my lap, getting pettins, and I was scritching that little spot where the tail connects to the body because she loves that and always arches her back for more.  As we were petting her, Little Guy noticed that there was something different about her. 

"OH NO MOMMY!" he screeched.  "Where is Caitlin's penis?  Where did it go?"

I explained that Caitlin was a girl and, therefore, did not have a penis.  Big Guy and I both emphasized that boys have penises (penii?) and girls do not.  So far, we have not had to deal with what girls have instead.  Now, however, he's just as proud of his knowledge of who has a penis and who does not.  This is becoming even more important to him as we work on potty training and he spends a good portion of time nude.  This makes it difficult to try and enforce appropriate times for identification because right now he needs to be naked to get to the potty in time.  Add to that, our desire to not give our son body issues and sometimes the embarrassment reaches epic levels. 

On Sunday, as I was preparing to take a shower, a very naked Little Guy burst into our bathroom proudly announcing that "Mommy has no penis!" 

Er, yes, thank you.  Go find Daddy. Go sit on the potty.  Go do SOMETHING else! 

"Little Guy has a penis!  It's naked, see?"  Cue typical boy dance.  "And dancing!" 

Yes, I know.  Go into the family room. 

"I have a butt!  It's naked too!  See?" 

Luckily, Big Guy appeared to shoo our son into the family room and his little potty.  I know I need to thank my lucky stars that I have a smart, clever son.  He puts pieces together and figures things out much faster than I expect.  Now, if we could just get him to understand the importance of using the potty!

Related Seeds:
Are Anatomically Correct terms okay? 

Oo-ee-oo He looks just like Buddy Holly

Yesterday, I managed to make a wonderfeal meal out of a tragedy.  It also proved my point that everything happens for a reason.  I have been trying to get back to planning menus and trying to use what we have.  Unfortunately for me, I may have planned too well.  Last nights meal was supposed to be oven roasted chicken.  However, I unwrapped the chicken and realized rapidly that there was no way we were going to eat this meat.  It had already gone bad.  I was so upset. 

However, the night before I had picked up some store-made fried chicken after work and had picked up enough to act as a couple meals, most likely a couple of lunches.  But I certainly had enough for a mixed dish.  So, I sped up the menu plan and made the meal I had planned for the leftover roasted chicken.  It was a completely made-up and yet it turned out better than I could have imagined.  It's a relatively easy Cheesy Chicken Casserole recipe.   And we would not have been able to have it had I not picked up that fried chicken. I'll include the recipe at the end of the blog post. 

Yesterday, I also took advantage of the lack of school-teaching to get some important things done like folding laundry and I also trimmed Little Guy's hair.  I loved his hair style, it was definitely in keeping with his personality.  It was kind of wild and free, and definitely marched to the beat of its own drum...  However, Little Guy doesn't believe in using napkins.  That, apparently, is what his hair is for.  And, as it got longer, the harder it was becoming to prevent.  So, after his bath yesterday, I made a valient attempt to cut his hair.  That meant trying to get him to stand still for a few seconds. 

What actually happened is I managed to get parts of his hair cut short.  It is DEFINITELY not a professional hair cut and I am thrilled that his hair is curly enough to hide some of the mistakes I made while trying to get him to hold still.  As Big Guy pointed out though, it's short in the back and longer in the front...  And with his hair being the way it is, it's totally a "Buddy Holly" hair style.  What have I done?

Sadly, with both his father's and my eyesight, he's likely to need glasses like Buddy Holly too.  I hope that the mad eating of carrots that I did during the pregnancy may help him to avoid too terrible of eyesight though.  Poor kid. 

But now, the recipe:
Easy Cheesy Chicken Casserole

Leftover chicken pieces
1 family size can Cream of chicken soup
1 can mixed vegetables
1 can corn
1 cup shredded cheese
1 tube large flaky biscuits

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F.

Tear up the chicken and  remove from the bone.  Put chicken, Cream of Chicken soup, veggies, corn and carrots in a large baking dish and mix with the cheese. 

Open the tube of biscuits and tear each biscuit in half and layer across the top of the mix.  Bake for 20 - 25 minutes. 

Utopia in our time?

I've been playing Bioshock 2. This game is giving the initial incarnation a run for its money.  It's also making me sweat more than a little.  There have been a couple battles where I was unsure whether or not I would succeed.  But, the more I play it, the more it is driven home that a similar situation could occur in any society. Wile I was playing this, Big Guy and I were talking about the meaning of a dystopia. 

A dystopia is a utopia that, for some reason, has gone horribly, tragically wrong.  As Big Guy pointed out, the Empire in Star Wars is an example of this.  All utopias start with the best of intentions, a desire to make the world a better place, an altruistic goal. But there is always a fly in the ointment. 

I blame those things on human nature. As Hobbes said, life is nasty, brutish and short and we, as humans, make it that way.  We are all flawed and those flaws will prevent us from achieving a utopic ideal.  We will always screw it up.  For example, a communist society where everyone helps seems a great goal.  In practice, however, human greed and our desire for power will prevent us from ever achieving such lofty goals.  This is where Russia failed.  The only reason Cuba is anything close to successful as a communist society is due to the tyrannical dictatorship. 

However, despite these flaws, we try to teach our children these ideals.  "Share with each other," we say.  "Take turns."  Are we setting them up for failure and disappointment?  I'd like to think not.  By teaching our children these ideals, we are demonstrating the better, brighter side of human nature.  That is our ability to cling to hope when it seems there should be none. 

Will we ever achieve the ability to gain a utopia or will we forever be doomed to their corruption?  I think that we have the ability to rise above our nature.  If we didn't we would not have reached our current level of civilization.  But I also don't believe it will happen any time soon.

The Top and Bottom 3 worries of this parent

Today's blog prompt is sponsored by JuiceboxJungle and Kodak.  They asked what the top and bottom three things are that I worry about as a mom.  I had to think about all the things that I worry about (and there were a great many) and then I had to organize them by sheer amount of worry.  It was not an easy job and it took some time, but I think I have it figured out.

Top Three Things
1 - Health

We are one of the families that exist without insurance. The cost for insurance through Big Guy's business was just too much. Because we are forced to operate without insurance, I am always paranoid that he's going to get sick or injured and I watch carefully for those situations.  Luckily, I also try to feed him a steady diet of fruit, vegetables, and vitamins.  I also tend to hover to make sure that he doesn't put himself in a situation that could lead to bodily injury. 

2 - Money
Big Guy and I work very hard at our respective jobs, but money is always tight and there is usually very little left over at the end of the month. When we buy gifts, they are planned out well in advance and Big Guy and I have become expert bargain hunters.  I frequent Freecycle for clothes and we tend to shop for household goods and apparel.  If we're in the market for games, books or movies, I keep an eye on half.com and will keep watch on particular items for weeks at a time to ensure I get the best price. In fact, my birthday gift this year is particularly notable because I am getting it brand new on release. 

3 - Education
I exist in an almost perpetual state of terror that my child will be the one left behind.  Because of that, I push him beyond his normal age range in subjects such as reading and math.  Admittedly, he is much smarter than I give him credit for and this should probably fall in the bottom three things, but he is both my and Big Guy's son and that means I need to worry to ensure I push him enough to succeed or else he's likely to try and get away from studying. 

The Bottom Three Things

This was probably harder than the top three items.  What do I worry about least with this child of mine?  These items aren't really worries because I have evidence of my success everyday. 

1 - Happiness

I don't worry about Little Guy's level of happiness.  His laughter rings throughout the house regularly every day and he still laughs himself to breathlessness at least once every 12 hours.  I have seen him collapse with the giggles over something his dad or I have said that is just silly...  It's wonderful. 

2 - Self-esteem
If there is one thing that my son does not lack, it's self-esteem. If you were to ask him if he has self-esteem issues, he will tell you no, he doesn't.  He doesn't seem to comprehend that there may be people out there who don't want to spend time with him or who may not like him.  He is a friendly, cheerful, gregarious child who is firmly convinced that everyone loves him and he is in charge. 

3 - His View of Relationships

I am nearly certain that my son will have successful relationships as he grows because of how hard Big Guy and I work to ensure that our own relationship is a success.  We've attended marital therapy and will readily say that it was one of the best things we could have done for our marriage.  We had a strong relationship before we went, but the therapy improved our communication skills and provided a safe haven to learn to deal with issues that would come up and serve to temper our strongly-forged relationship.  If we can continue to provide an example of a well-honed relationship, our son will b able to emulate the better aspects of our relationship and hopefully avoid the mistakes that his father and I made in previous relationships.

Attempting to narrow down worries into only six was a difficult task, but was actually helpful to me as a parent.  I can see where my focus is and measure how I am doing over all.  It also helped reassure me that I am a good mother to this amazing child.  He is happy, mostly healthy, somewhat sane, and has been sheltered from the worst of the events that we've dealt with.  He's confident, brave, headstrong, willful, smart and imaginative.  He expresses love freely and accepts affection as a matter of course.  How lucky I am to have him. 

Homeschooling Discussions

Big Guy and I had a "discussion" on my way into work yesterday.  We're currently at odds on the whole schooling thing with Little Guy, and I don't foresee these discussions going any better the closer Little Guy gets to attending school. 

I am on the side of homeschooling and will argue vehemently for that.  My reasons are sound, and, until recently, I thought Big Guy and I were in agreement on schooling.  I do not approve of the schools in the area where we live.  I do not believe they will be able to educate my son appropriately.  I do not hold the teachers at fault, but the area we live in was one of the hardest hit by the economic downturn because many of the people in the area are blue collar, factory workers.  Many of the people around here do not value education or what it can accomplish and I do not want my child growing up with that attitude. 

Big Guy has gone from agreement with me to saying, now, that Little Guy should go to the local schools.  He argues that we will not be able to educate him properly because we lack the money to buy the homeschooling books.  He says that Little Guy will do fine as long as we support his education in the school.  A lot of this started because a friend of ours, who teaches high school, made the comment that homeschooling was going to be bad for Little Guy because we would not be able to give him the social interaction he needed, no matter how hard we tried.

Now, Big Guy has gone from the "It's OK to homeschool" camp to "NO".  I'm frustrated and irritated because the normally smooth ground my marriage exists on has become somewhat bumpy.  Both of us are absolutely convinced of our position's correctness and these positions are diametrically opposed!  Our view of what's important plays a big part in our difficulties right now.  He sees social activities as an important part of school, while I view the quality of education as more important than socialization. 

Honestly, I hated the social aspects of school.  I was never good at playing the social games and never felt comfortable in the social groups.  I wasn't a band geek, I wasn't a jock, I was more aligned with the smart kids, but not really...  My group of friends referred to ourselves as "The Outcasts" because we were different.  Amusingly, we were all drastically different from each other as well.  But, the social strata was different in a much more condensed way.  It was a small parochial school; therefore, things were going to be difficult. 

Who knows what we'll do.  Big Guy doesn't think it's worth arguing about because we have a year and a half before Little Guy goes to school.  To me, that means a year and a half of more fighting until we come to an agreement.  I'm concerned that if I give in on the unimportant years, the earliest ones where they go over the basics, then I will lose ground later on where the difference in educational quality will become noticeable.  

 

Turn the Page

It’s been a busy week. I have to admit, I am glad it’s almost over.  For me, it really is.  I don’t have class tomorrow because they are moving to the new building and that means no teaching at all until Monday.  What a break!

Now, aside from grading, I really have time to focus on some other things…  Like writing in my blog and working on my OMGSOSUPERSOSECRETPROJECT and working on my novel. It’s been a rough summer, and it is probably only just beginning to hit us exactly how rough a summer it was.  I am going through, getting rid of clothes and gathering up toys, now that the house is mostly empty.  We’re still trying to adjust to life without the kids and it’s beginning to hit me exactly how much I put into the kids.

When Big Guy and I got together, I was determined to be the best step-mom ever.  I read books, made sure I didn’t overstep my bounds, and tried to follow the best, most rational advice available.  I offered support and guidance to my husband when he tired of the games his ex was playing and really devoted a lot of time and effort into both the battle and making sure the kids had the best chance at sanity that I could provide. So, for six years, I threw myself whole-heartedly into being a step-parent, to the exclusion of many things that I really should have been doing for myself.  And this May, when that effort was revealed to be useless, I really felt betrayed and destroyed by it.  But, through June and July, other things occupied my thoughts and time.  And now, I’m left with myself, Big Guy and Little Guy.  And it’s leaving me feeling a bit jittery.

So, where do I go from here?  Well, I work on something else.  I focus on the things that are important, like Big Guy and Little Guy.  I work on my projects.  And I sit back and breathe, take stock of where I am and figure out what I am feeling (aside from the surface emotions).  This is a new chapter in my life, let’s see what it says…