The First Step of Our Homeschool Journey

We've started homeschooling our Little Guy, and I am discovering that it takes a serious change in view to school such a creative and bright child.  Most people who meet Little Guy are shocked by two things. The first thing they notice is that he's small for his age.  The kid is a victim of  maternal genetics.  The second thing they notice, after talking to him for a bit, is how quickly he picks up on things and how much knowledge he's already stored away in that head of his. 

The story of my life - Left behind, while he forges ahead

 

 

 

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The first step, I discovered, is letting go of my own notions of how his education should proceed.  Big Guy and I struggled with getting him to practice writing his letters.  Little Guy sat there with his pencil and paper and very passive aggressively refused to trace his alphabet.  He doodled, he sang, he made up stories starring his pencil and paper, but he WOULD NOT write his letters.  In response, we cajoled, we pleaded, we threatened, we yelled...  And then, we let it go.  I sighed, shrugged, and told him he could watch a TV show if he wrote five words down.  Any five words. 

And he did. 

It took less than two minutes.  Two hours of fighting over writing and in less than two minutes he wrote five words.  Big Guy and I looked at each other, shrugged, and let it go. Later on as we discussed the difficulties, we came tot he conclusion that we were approaching this the wrong way.  We had to keep in mind WHY we were homeschooling him.  We recognized that he would not handle the stereotypical school schedule well.  He'd rebel and then get in trouble.  We also didn't want him to HATE education, so we knew we'd have to do things differently than they would in a classroom. 

That's where we screwed up.  We approached the writing the way they do in school because that's the way we were taught.  We knew that wasn't going to work with him, and we tried it anyhow.  It worked exactly as we expected; he fought us.  So, we are re-evaluating.  Since he's still a young 'un, we're going to focus more on exposing him to things he'll learn about.  He CAN write, we just have to get him to do it.  Big Guy got him to write me a note while I was at work and left him alone to do it.  I came home to, "I miss you mommy."  We took advantage of Museum Day and took him to the Studebaker Museum and the Center for History. 

To be fair, that word can give lots of people trouble.

We're going to try things while we can and find something that works.  He's got a head start on his peer group; I want to keep him ahead and, more importantly, interested in learning. 

How would my story be told?

The National Public Radio released an article recently on the stories people tell as their lives come to a close. The psychiatrist who ran the study noticed that the stories people tell take a very different tone and focus as they are dying.  That got me thinking...  What would my story be?  Who would I want to have it? 

Everyone wants to believe that they matter.  Everyone wants to believe they made an impact on others' lives.  Why?  Probably because people really are small in the scheme of things.  With 6 billion people on the Earth, it's difficult to say that anyone can make a definite impact on anything.  Most people never write a great novel, sing an amazing song, or paint a spectacular picture.  Very few will become politicians or activists who actually make any sort of impact. 

I've come to believe the impact we make will depend solely on the people we interact with.  I realized that I've had about 400 students pass through my classes.  I've seen many of them succeed and graduate.  Even now, I have former students stop by just to say "hi."  I am pleased that, even if they don't LOVE English, they got something worthwhile out of my class.  I also know I can't reach everyone.  Sometimes, some of my students don't make it.  I hate that, but it is what it is. 

So when it comes down to it, I'd tell my story for Little Guy.  And I would want him to see what I accomplished and what he could accomplish.  I'd want him to know that I followed my heart...  Both in my career and in my personal life.  I married his father out of love, and I loved both of them more than anything.  I would want him to know how much I valued my education and how important critical thinking is.  More importantly, I'd want him to know that no matter what, I'm proud of him.  He's an amazing, brilliant child, and he can grow into an amazing brilliant man. 

I'd also write for Big Guy.  I'd want him to know that of all the unexpected things in life, he topped my list.  I'd try to make him see himself how I see him.  He's intelligent, sensitive, and creative.  I'd want him to have more confidence, to believe in what he can do more than he currently does.  He often sells himself so short. 

My mom would need to get a copy too, just so I can tell her how much I love her.  I like who I am, and I wouldn't be who I am without her.  I wouldn't have been able to achieve this without her...  Though I could have done without the writing addiction.  I blame her for that. 

I may never write the Great American Novel.  I may never give magnificent speeches or go to unique and spectacular places.  But I think I have made an impact.  And I am proud of the impact I made.  I think that's the important part when it comes to the end of life.  Did you do the best you could?  And I think I have.  

A Gardening Metaphor

Flowers, flowers everywhere

At Toddler in Tow, Amyables talks about her gardening adventure this year, and I must admit a bit of jealousy.  We didn't have a garden this year.  I decreed at the beginning of the season that we were moving, which meant anything I planted would be left behind in the move.  I refused to let someone else play the grasshopper to my ant. 

Now, however, we are in a place to garden and I intend to garden when Spring arrives.  I'd like to get Little Guy more involved and give him a place to garden as well.  It could definitely work as part of his science curriculum.  We were lucky that our landlord was a pretty avid gardening guy himself.  He had an amazing garden set-up to start with, and I look forward to maintaining and adding to it.  Little Guy already pulled out his watering can to water the flowers in the back yard.  There's a planter near the front door that I may give him some seeds and let him go to town. 

I would love for Little Guy to get the enjoyment and peace from flowers that I find in the dirt.  The past few years were difficult, and my garden really reflected how I felt about where we were.  Dropped into crap soil, we had to fight to survive.  Some parts did.  Some parts didn't.  I'd classify our family as much hardier than we were three years ago, but I suppose that happens when you prune away some of the dead wood. 

Pruning, in life as in the garden, seems to be an ongoing thing.  I unpacked with my mom today and she took 3 boxes and a bag to Goodwill.  She also took a couple boxes home for my nephew.  I feel bad about that because they were baby clothes and I would love to have another baby around the house.  Little Guy is getting so big and, while I know he loves me, isn't at the chubby-cheeked, wide-eyed innocent stage anymore.  Now he's a full boy with snips and snails and puppy-dog tails. 

But, I want our family to survive, so away go the baby clothes and other items we have no intention of doing something with.  I want my soil to be primed and ready because we deserve it.  Like most American families, the economic downturn has hurt.  Big Guy lost his job a year ago and we're limping by on unemployment and what I earn in teaching and writing.  But, we're also very blessed.  We've moved to a place that we intend to be a long-term stepping stone.  We're closer to my work and closer to our friends.  Big Guy has been able to be home with Little Guy and both were able to pack while I worked. 

Every rose does indeed have its thorn.

I believe that this time we have landed in more fertile soil and the garden is a reflection of that.  I look forward to seeing what comes up!

  

Adventures in Moving

We're moved.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to do it, and I must admit I panicked there a bit at the end.  We were truly blessed in the help we received from family and friends.  We finished moving 2.5 days earlier than we thought thanks to them.  That doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure though. 

Class ended for me on Thursday and that's when the moving weekend really began.  The next day we had to travel to the new house to wait for the cable guy.  While we were there, we put Little Guy's bed together and started making his room feel like a real home.  He had been having difficulties and I am positive it was due to all the changes.  His temper was shorter, he tried to push all the boundaries, and he just did not like what was going on.  Big Guy and I thought that getting some familiarity in his new room might settle things down.  So, while the cable guy set up our cable and internet, we set up the bed.  That may have been a mistake though, since he then wanted to spend the night there and we weren't done at the old place yet.  Plus, the bulk of moving was going to be done the next day.

 Saturday began bright and early.  Big Guy and a friend went to get the moving truck while Little Guy and I (mostly the *I*) continued to box things up and get things sorted.  All the electronic items were gone, waiting at the new house, and the entire house was just about done.  At about 10 am, people began to arrive and we started stacking stuff on the lawn and moving it into the truck.  Everyone took a load to the new place while I and two others held back and continued packing.  We were just about done when the truck returned and we finished up our last load for the day.  After that, we headed to the new place and crashed. We still had cleaning at the old place, but what we needed people and a truck to handle, we had managed to complete. 

Sunday, we were sore, we were tired, and we still had stuff to finish.  We went back to the old house to mop, vacuum, and finish wiping things down.  When we arrived, however, we were greeted with a surprise.  Someone had STOLEN our stair railings.  We considered that they may have been stolen for the metal...but someone had left the wrought iron doormat.  They hadn't just stolen the railings either, they broke the bolts getting them off.  Looking out our back window, we noticed that our back neighbors had a suspiciously familiar pair of railings while the guy across the street from them had their old railing.  It was beyond ridiculous.  We griped about it for the rest of the day as we finished cleaning but we got the place in order and went home.  We had a few boxes left that Big Guy was going to pack up the next day when he talked to the office about our missing rails. 

When he went in to the office to tell them someone had stolen our rails, the office's initial reaction was: "That's really not our problem."  Once he explained that we didn't waqnt to get charged on our move out and that we were renters, then they cared.  I couldn't believe it.  Yet another reason why we are so glad to be out of there.  After that he loaded up the last boxes and turned in the keys... And we were done there.  We've been unpacking and organizing and just generally trying to make ouselves at home.  The house is amazing and we love it already.  This has been such a positive move and a wonderful blessing for us.  I am thrilled.  And even Little Guy has started settling in. 

Month-End Introspection

Grading, fun for the whole family

I have reached the final hours of my month of craziness, and the time has come to really reflect on it.  Was I as successful a teacher, a wife, and a mother as I had hoped to be?  Definitely not.  Some of the things I accept were beyond my control.  I also learned to accept that not all students want to be here.  This is not necessarily a shortcoming on my part, in some cases the student simply does not accept their own role in their education and there is nothing I can do about that.  But even that was such a grab bag of emotions this month that I really need to look back and think about it. 

As an instructor... 
Bad: I think I wasn't as tough on some of my students as I should have been.  I had a student in one class that really brought the dynamic down.  That negativity bred more negativity in other students and led to a very difficult month.  I need to figure out a way to divert the negativity and figure out how my students can channel that energy into something positive. 

Good: The students I could connect with, I REALLY connected with.  And those students, even if other issues prevented them from being successful in my course, will definitely succeed in other ways. 

On the homefront:
Bad: The long hours at work this month left me disconnected from Big Guy and Little Guy.  They also contributed to one tired, stressed, and cranky Kitten as I tried to balance work and moving...  I was not always successful.  Little Guy, in particular, dislikes the long hours that go with a split shift.  He wailed at the thought of me having to go to work a few times.  I had to tell him on my days off that I was staying home.  And Tuesday, Big Guy came in to see me in my off period and Little Guy spent the last half of the visit crying because he wanted me to go home with him.

Part of his clinginess stems from the uproar of moving, I am sure.  But...  I still feel like a crap mom when it happens.  Although moving was the other rough part on the homefront.  By Sunday, this will all be behind me, but the stress of packing and organizing everything fell mainly on Big Guy because, well, he's home to do it.  However, my inability to affect the outcome led to stress and one massive blowout here at the end.  Next time we move, I may drink more heavily.

Good: The house is almost packed.  When we were able to work together, we did WELL.  Not only did we do well, but we were SPECTACULAR.  Plus, we were almost in each other's heads on the organization and planning on a regular basis.  It reiterated that Big Guy and I are definitely partners and definitely have improved our communication skills over the past 8 years.  The entire house is almost packed up and we are almost ready to go.  The house will be a definite step in the right direction (though I think any step out of where we are is "the right direction").  Where we have been living had a purpose, but that is long gone.  Now, we can start a new chapter. 

Overall, the month had its ups and downs, but it was a positive experience and certainly one I can use to gain insight into myself and my life.  Once it truly ends and next month begins with its classes as I live in the new place, I can see what new items I have carried with me and begin the planning for other areas. 

Split Shift Ramblings

This month, I am teaching a split shift.  Split shifts are rough on the body and the mind because the spread of the hours is so exhausting.  I have to start teaching at 8:30 am and that runs till almost 1 pm.  I get a stretch of hours in the middle then until I start again at 6 pm and teach all the way until 10 pm.  I'll go home tonight, whine a bit about food, and then sleep.  Luckily, I don't have to teach tomorrow.

Big Guy agreed to let me take his laptop to work with me, so I can sit in the adjunct office during the stretch of time where I don't have class and work on class stuff.  I will find this extremely helpful this month.  The free time in the middle of the day allowed me to get my morning class papers graded already.  I also was able to look at the books and figure out what I wanted to make copies of for my class before they got here.  I ought to plan what I want them to do for homework on Thursday, but I am seriously considering a power nap. 

Big Guy has also been packing a lunch for me for prevention of passing out during the day.  It is something I truly appreciate and I love having a husband who wants to take care of me.  He loves me, wants me to be happy, healthy and comfortable.  Unfortunately, that's not something that often happens over the course of a split shift month.  My program director tries not to give her instructors two split shifts in a row because it's horrible.  You really do put in 14 hour days and can't do anything outside of school on those days.  The funny/horrible part of this month's split shift is we're moving at the same time. Feel pity for Big Guy, who is taking care of Little Guy and packing all on his own.  I'll be able to get some of it done on Wednesdays and weekends, but the bulk of it falls to him. 

Yesterday, he got a ton of stuff packed in Little Guy's room.  It was impressive, considering Little Guy (like his mother) likes to be able to see everything he owns.  I adamantly refused to go in his room because I was terrified I was going to break something.  Last night, when I got home, Big Guy showed me that not only could we walk on his floor now, but there were "See You Later" boxes packed of toys.  Little Guy and Big Guy had decided what was going to be packed.

I'm hopeful that more stuff will be packed today, but my two Guys may decide to nap instead.  The split shift is hard on all of us.  Bleh, reading this over, I can tell my brain is mush right now.  Back to the grind goeth I.

Bookstore dreams and wishes

We've been pushing forward on the bookstore idea pretty hard. We've got the market research survey up online and are already receiving responses. Some of the responses have been quite enlightening and surprising. Some of them, not so surprising but identify a particular hazard we will have to deal with in running the store.

I'm already establishing guidelines in my head about what used media we will accept, what condition it must be in, and how we will establish the store credit for it. We have great ideas about what we want to offer, how we want to offer it, and how we want things to work. I think we can really pull it off if we can get the funding. Big guy and I are determined and very excited about this. It's really been all we've discussed for a while. I really want this to work. I'm also thrilled that he seems passionate about doing this.

Big Guy is truly the love of my life, but he will be the first to say that there's very little he cares about enough to fight for. I'm the fighter in the house. I throw myself into everything with a sort of passionate madness that Big Guy just doesn't seem to have. This, however, has lit a fire in him. It's encouraging for me to see because I always worried that he didn't have anything he liked to do that he "loved". I LOVE writing and teaching. When things get difficult and hard to do, I can hold on to my love for both htose things to get past the rough paches and continue on working at them. Big Guy didn't have that in any of his jobs, which meant that when things got tough, he got angry, sullen and bitter. It made me sad.

And if we can pull this off, he's going to need that love and passion. We're going to have to work hard to make this take off. On the bright side, if we can get this to work, this will free us from other bosses. I'd love to get the store going and have it reach a point where we become a staple of life around town. Perhaps we can get it to a point where life isn't a struggle anymore. The hard thing, for me at least, is this dream means putting off the homesteading dream because everything is going to have to be poured into the business. All our energy, any extra money, and our lives for a long time are going to be at the whim of the retail store gods. The place we're considering has an apartment upstairs but no yard space to speak of. I'll be able to plant very little, if I can plant anything at all. There definitely would not be room for chickens. I also recognize that, should the bookstore fail, it will effectively kill our ability to do the homesteading.

This really has to work. I know we have the drive, I know we can push it out.... I just hope it takes off.

Bookstore Plans and Dreams

Life is full of surprises. I think (though I am not sure) that thisis a good thing. Life changes and moves and very rarely do things ever stay the same. I am convinced that most of our lives occur for a reason even if we are never truly sure what that reason is. Our life has been moving non-stop and keeping up with the plans we are attempting is never an easy task.

Big Guy, as you know, was laid off in November. After much twisting, turning, and scrambling (and with the much needed and much appreciated help of friends and family) we made it through the holiday season, got our financials sorted out, and are continuing to march forward. I told Big Guy, though, that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go from here. To that end, we've started to look at putting the bookstore in order.

This is exciting and nerve-wracking. We've always talked about doing this, but more of a "when we win the lottery" type thing. Never very seriously. Now, we've got the business registered as an LLC and we are moving forward with a business plan and trying to get funding. I have no idea if we're going to be able to pull this off, but I would really like to. I don't even want to end up a nation-wide franchise. I just want a nice, cozy little book store that we can share with friends and family. I know the ultimate goal would be to make money on it, but we also want to do what we enjoy.

If we can do this, it would be a great opportunity for Big Guy to do something he loves. I could still teach on a free schedule, and when I'm not teaching, I can work in the book store. Little Guy can still be homeschooled and still get hands on experience with math and reading. So, we'll bust our butts getting this put together, hopefully give us a chance to move out of where we are and into a better place. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and, for better or for worse, this is happening too.

A simple Friday

My usual Friday plans have been interrupted by the "light dusting" of snow we were to receive.  Apparently, in Indiana weatherman parlance, "light dusting" means "huddle inside your house for warmth".  So, instead I am making more bread and we've got PBS Kids on the television for Little Guy. 

One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to become more organized and manage time and money better.  The rapidly changing schedule is making it more important than ever to do so.  This month, I am working a split shift.  I teach one class in the morning and one class at night.  The week after next, however, my schedule changes for the next month.  I'll teach mornings and afternoons, leaving my evenings free.  I've been teaching nights for so long now, I'm not going to know what to do with myself.  Big Guy will get to be home during the day with our little monkey. 

If we can keep up the work we've been doing, we can survive just fine.  Big Guy and I need to take an opportunity to sit down and figure out a plan for the next few months, like what we'll do if I don't get two classes.  I've got a plan to save up money so that when the break hits, I'll be able to transfer over money to cover it.  Things may be tight and sort of complicated, but luckily we have the communication skills to figure it out. 

We're still looking at getting out of our current rental and, at this point, I am so done living here.  I'm sure some of it is just basic impatience on my part, but living here has not been the best experience.  This place had a purpose when we moved in, but that purpose has long since passed, and it's time for us to move to our new chapter of life.  Our life has changed so much since we moved in that our needs in a place have changed as well.  We're also not under pressure to move, which is a pleasant change.  We have been looking for a good place to live, price-wise and also life-wise.

We're not going to be able to get the perfect place, but we'll be able to find something that will serve us well.  And right now, Big Guy and I are in agreement that everything happens for a reason.  Hopefully the purpose of all of this will become apparent soon.

Marriage: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As Singing Through The Rain points out: being married isn't easy.  Big Guy and I have been told that we are "retarded for each other".  We snuggle, we kiss, we do almost everything together.  We are very much in love and it takes work to keep us that way. 

Back after Little Guy was born, our communication issues began to catch up with us.  We realized rather rapidly that if we wanted our marriage to succeed and, more importantly, survive, we needed help.  So we got it.  We spent nearly a year in therapy learning to communicate better, learning tips and tricks to keep us on track, and in the end it was worth it.  We both recognize the benefits that our therapy gave us.  Our communication improved drastically and we began to recognize the ineffective ways we approached each other and dealt with problems. 

This became immensely important when step-family issues reared their ugly heads.  Had there been any cracks in our relationship, they would have turned into gaping holes when the shit hit the fan.  We managed to survive and are still doing really well.  But, it is a process of working at it every day and we try really hard to keep things good. 

One of the keys, I believe, is working at it so that it doesn't seem like work.  Like any job, regular maintenance can make things go smoothly.  So, we go to bed together each night and cuddle before we fall asleep.  We flirt with each other on a regular basis.  We make it a point to find things we both like to do.  We also tend to make decisions based on who needs the most right now.  This month, I've needed a lot of support as I worked the split shift.  He's been pretty good about working with me and not complaining.  This weekend, it shifted as he came down with a nasty cold and I took care of him. 

Do we still fight?  Oh yes.  Our fights tend not to last long though.  Again, I attribute that to improved communication.  Some days are worse than others, some days we stumble in our practices, but we both agree that our marriage is important and worth working at. 

Happy New Year!

My New Year's Resolution is to get back into writing regularly.  I know I need to narrow that goal down a little more and figure out exactly what "regularly" means, but for now I accept that I need to write more.  It's something I need to do, it's something that is important to me, and it's going to eventually give me what I want from it IF I put the effort into it. 

That's not to say that my hiatus hasn't been entirely unexpected.  Life, they say, is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  After the failure to get the commune off the ground, Big Guy and I continued with our plans to get out of where we were, even going so far as to look at purchasing a house in the country.  (My heart still breaks that we didn't get that house.)  However, while we were doing that, Big Guy got fired from his company AGAIN.  This was the second time in two years they had decided they didn't need him and booted him out the door.  I told him that if they asked him to come back again, not only was he to say no, but HELL NO. 

So, around the middle of November, we went from a two-parent working household to a two parent, one worker household.  Don't worry, I've engaged him in slave labor in my name and we got a LOT of help from friends and family over the holiday season as things attempted to sort themselves out.  I would like, at some point, to have an extended period of financial peace.  I think we've earned it over the past 8 years. 

Figuring out where to go from here is going ot be tricky.  He's submitting apps and resumes and I've suggested a few things, but we're unsure where or when things will shift.  We've been down this road before though.  This time he doesn't have an insane CS amount hanging over his head.  Now, it's slightly more reasonable and if the ex comes charging after him for more money, since he's jobless. I can't imagine they would raise it. 

We're also buckling down on expenses.  Christmas was stress inducing.  But the love and assistance of family and friends made it the best Christmas ever.  No matter what religion you believe in, it's easy to recognize a blessing when you see it.  I was also lucky enough to get a second class to teach this month, despite it being a split shift.  So, while I am exhausted, I am also bringing in money. 

Things will work out, I have faith in that.  Everything happens for a reason and the change in Big Guy's Job situation will undoubtedly lead to something better.  Now if it would just hurry up and arrive. 

What I did on my Summer Vacation

So, I have been very absent from my blog this summer. I imagine y'all would like to know where I dsappeared to and why. The easiest answer, I wanted a summer break. A lot happened, a few things changed, and we did get a new family member.

At the end of Spring, we had a roommate who had moved in, got a girlfriend, and then moved out. This threw a lot of plans into disarray and confusion since we had begun planning for the future with him in mind. One thing it did do, however, is solidify the desire that Big Guy and I have towards getting out. We hate where we're living, and we need to change. We know we're not signing another lease there and no matter what, we are done. While we won't be moving with the roommate, we will be moving with our Little Guy.

Speaking of Little Guy, we ended up cutting off the wonderful curls he had. I cried. I was trying to trim his hair so he didn't look quite so emo. I told him to hold still while I trimmed, and he did not. The resulting cut made the child look like a mini-Hitler, minus the moustache. We couldn't have that, so Big Guy took him into the bathroom and we shaved his head. He was bald. He cried and I cried and it was a horrible situation altogether. I tried to tell him he looked like Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He wanted none of that. "I don't want to look like Aang," he wailed. "I want to look like (Little Guy)!" It was heartbreaking.

He's also developed a dramatic streak a mile wide. I don't know where he gets it from but, holy christ, is he good at it. I've been keeping a record of some of the more amusing turns of phrase and incidents from him on his own Facebook Fan Page. Join up and follow along as the kid drives us all insane.

And, not too long ago, we had a new family member make his appearance. My sister had her baby, Baby G. This adorable infant has already surpassed Little Guy's record in weight and length. My son is freaking tiny but his cousin will apparently be built like a tank. Hopefully, this means an automatic bodyguard for the evil genius when they are older.

I've also been doing some writing for Demand Studios. It's not that I don't love you guys, but they pay more for writing than I've been earning from here. My goal is to actually earn som scratch for the fams! You can follow some of my writing at eHow. I do intend to get back into blogging now that summer is winding to a close. We didn't really do any of the activities I wanted to do this summer, which is rather depressing, but hopefully we can arrange things and do fun stuff this fall!
 
 

I want to move NOW

We're looking at houses to move our group into. Whiteybare has claimed the front room for his own, but I'd really like to get a place where he feels more comfortable coming into the public areas of the house, and I believe that will only happen once we get a place with him. I'm always afraid that we're making him feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That worrying leads to hovering and, if I am not careful, will drive him insane.

I just want everyone to be happy and the idea of the commune is such a cheerful happy one that I can't help but want to make it a reality. Unfortunately, we have a ways to go before we can start forming the commune. One of the first steps is going to have to be forming the LLC. After we find a rental for our group where we can start setting aside money, we'll also start to build up money for a down payment. After we have some money set aside for a down payment, we'll look at houses and land. From there, we can start doing the communal thing.

I wish we could get started on it now, but there is no chance of that happening. We don't have the money for a down payment, and, even if we did, we don't have the credit for a loan. I'd love to be able to make a deal with someone in the area where we pay money for the land over a contracted period of time with someone who likes and supports what we're doing. Unfortunately, such deals are not in existance where we need them. We need to stay in the area where we currently reside. Whiteybare is a returning college student and needs to keep the in-state tuition. I am pretty well settled in my job and really could not find work like it elsewhere. And Big Guy needs to keep his job to pay his ex and cannot switch out unless it's for a higher paygrade.

In the meantime, I deal with the uncomfortable, impatient feeling. I want to be out of there NOW, and I know we can't get out NOW. So, I feel restless and irritated, ready to jump out at the word go. Unfortunately, this only irritates myself and my husband. Big Guy feels frustrated because I am not thrilled and he feels bad because it isn't what we want and he can't provide it for us right now. I try to keep my feelings, in that case, under wraps. I'm not a person who hides her emotions easily though, which only makes me more restless. Little Guy may pick up on the restlessness but it only serves to make him more hyper, a feat which is amazing enough considering his current level of hyper.

I tell myself that things will work out for the best. In the grand scheme of things, we are pretty well off. We have a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and many luxeries that others do not have. I'll just be glad when we get to do our own thing.

Where did you go, my lovely?

So I disappeared from the internet this weekend, but I promise it was for a good reason.  This weekend, Big Guy and I celebrated our 6th anniversary and I made a concious decision to stay away.  I guess you could say I abandoned you for love. 

Our weekend went r eletrively well.  It started around 3 pm on Friday when Big Guy showed up at the door with a cake and dinner.  The cake was made by a local bakery and was a recreation of our Wedding Cake top layer with frosting roses on the top made to look like my bouquet.  We ate dinner (and cake) and played video games.  However, the joy was not to last. 

The next day, Big Guy woke up feeling bad.  Sore throat, cough, snuffly nose, all the hallmarks of a cold.  We went out for a little bit, stopped off at Krispy Kreme, picked up a few items to help with the potty training of Little Guy and then came home.  Big Guy played a video game and we putzed about the house while I tried to get Little Guy to use the potty on a regular basis.  However, Little Guy's lack of nap caught up with him and he ended up being put to bed early due to a fractious nature. 

On Sunday, Big Guy was still feeling off but we were up "early" due to a strange noise and an even stranger smell.  We got up to find our Rainbow Vacuum cleaner was on, thanks to our cats.  And, since Big Guy had forgotten to empty it the last time he vacuumed, we were smelling the old, dirty water being churned about.  We turned it off, cleaned out the vacuum and then decided to go out for food  It was then that we discovered "Dayligh Savings Time" had occured.  It wasn't 9:30, but 10:30 in the morning. 

We got Little Guy up, went to Ryan's and then came home.  Big Guy was still not feeling well, so I let him relax and play while I graded and then we went to bed.  It wasn't an amazingly romantic weekend, adn could have been better for poor Big Guy, but we did have a good time with each other.  Today, Big Guy called in to work and is still sleeping away in the bedroom while Little Guy adn I continue to work on potty training.  Wish us luck! 

Anniversary Weekend

This weekend, Big Guy and I celebrate six years of marriage.  It's so hard to imagine that we have been together that long, and yet people still talk about the party that was our wedding.  It really was a remarkable party that was a blast.  We were going through some pictures with his parents and came across some pictures from later that evening that will make great blackmail pictures for our friends. 

Being married to the love of my life has been an amazing experience and one that, like any marriage, has been full of ups and downs.  Big Guy and I were lucky enough to have the opportunity to go to counseling and learn how to communicate better with each other.  It ended up being  one of the best things we could have done for ourselves and for our marriage.  Aside from learning to communicate more effectively with each other, it also reinforced how committed and devoted to each other we are. 




Even more importantly, with all the horrible things hat happened over the last year, I am not sure how effectively we would have dealt with things.  Because we were able to improve our communication, we ere able to connect with each other even when the kids left and my aunt died.  It also enabled us to get through the job reduction he suffered with minimal conflict between us in our most stressful times. 

As it stands, I am happy we found each other.  We're on the same page regarding the raising of children and the way a marriage should work which makes any situation that much easier.  We know each other well enough to know what the other person's answer is likely to be and respect each other enough to not commit to things unless we're absolutely certain the other person is on board.  I feel like I have found a real partner who is devoted to our family and treats me like a princess. 

In a time where 50% of all marriages and 80% of all second and subsequent marriages end in divorce, we are lucky to beat the odds against us.  Even more importantly, we recognize how truly wonderful it is to have each other.

Valentine's Day Recap

My Valentine's Day went pretty well.  It started rather oddly though.  I awoke to a rather strange rattling noise coming from the front of the house.  I nudged Big Guy and told him to go see what his son had gotten into.  He listened for a minute and then said he knew what it was and it wasn't Little Guy.  He also said I needed to get up first. 

So, I stumbled from our bed, made my way into the kitchen, and stepped into water on the floor.  It wasn't anything too terrible though .  Big Guy had gotten up earlier and set the coffee maker to brew some coffee.  Unfortunately, he had forgotten to put the top down and it sprayed some of the water on our floor.  After we fixed that problem, I went into the family room and was greeted with an adorable teddy bear and chocolates. 

I received a small box of assorted chocolates from Big Guy and a large Kiss from Little Guy, a 7 oz one!  We played games and watched TV and were generally happy relaxing together.  Little Guy went into the front room and played Lego Star Wars until he decided he wanted to play with actual Legos.  At that point, I had to put the brakes on relaxing. 

Big Guy and I told Little Guy that if he wanted to play with Legos, he had to clean up the floor in the front room.  Little Guy took us at our word.  With in five minutes, he came running back into the family room, telling us that he had finished.  Big Guy and I exchanged glances and then Big Guy went back to check.  Withing moments, he laughingly called me to the front room. 

Little Guy had indeed picked up the floor - and covered the sofa and his car table with his toys.  After I finished laughing, I told Big Guy we needed to do something about this.  So, a portion of our Valentine's Day was spent cleaning the front room. 

After we finished, Little Guy watched the Star Wars movies and played with his legos.  When Big Guy finished playing his video game, he went in there and "helped".  It was adorable.  I asked Little Guy what his dad was doing and got the response, "He's building!" Even more adorable, Big Guy and Little Guy came out to show me the "cool" space ship Big Guy had made. 

While my Valentine's Day may not have been red-hot and sexy, it was definitely a sweet day...  More a nice shade of pink. 

This is dedicated to the one I love

It's that time of year again, time to honor the sexiest, most handsome, sweetest, most mysterious and generous man I know...  Tall, dark and handsome, he's hard to resist.....


You know w ho I'm talking about...


Naveen Andrews!

OK, not Naveen...  He is cute, but he doesn't hold a candle to the man I married.  Big Guy. 

When I met hi, I never could have guessed the kind of relationship we would end up having.  This is probably a good thing.  Had I known the insanity that would come with a blended family, I may have run screaming into the night.  

He's an incurable romantic and tries very hard to spoil me rotten   And he always makes me laugh.  More often than not, an argument between  us will end up with both of us giggling. 

And I love him madly and wouldn't change anything. 

Happy Valentine's Day love.  I still find you sexy. 

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my birthday.  I turn 21 for the 10th time!  Big Guy, with his adoration of me, bought me the special edition of Bioshock 2 and we received it last night.  I, of course, wasted no time in getting it open.

 

This is the outer cover of the box.  The special edition stuff lies beneath this innocent looking exterior.  

The box itself.  Oh joy, oh Rapture!  

Closeups of the butterfly wing and the game imprint.  

  

I then opened the box and was greeted with an LP from Rapture Records.  Yes, it came with an actual vinyl record.  It's the soundtrack to the original Bioshock Game and will likely be the only thing I don't open unless I find a record player.  

Underneath the vinyl was the art book and the rolled up mini-posters.  Those posters are going to Kinko's for laminating or to Hobby Lobby for framing.  

Lifting up the art book we find the final two items of the special edition.  On top is the Bioshock 2 Soundtrack on CD, 

The final piece in this puzzle, the Bioshock 2 game.  Be still my beating heart! 

I never anticipated to love a story as much as I loved the original Bioshock game.  The idea of it was intriguing, especially for someone who embraced and enjopyed 1984 and Brave New World.  In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that some of my favorite stories are dystopic in nature.

The story of Rapture brings you in and makes you pause.  It was started with the very best of intentions, but the gradual descent into madness and horror reflects the impact that humanity has on the best of intentions.  Philosophically, human greed will always screw up a good thing.  That's why communism and socialism will never truly succeed unless under the rule of a tyrant. 

Of course, the story involved in Bioshock also illustrates why I love literature so much.  Stories give us insight into ourselves.  Sometimes the mirror shows us things we don't want to see, but it simply reflects the darker parts we need to make sure do not take over.

Let Me Call you Sweetheart Blog Hop!

Today's blog entry is part of the "Let me call you sweetheart" blog hop sponsored by The Frugal Housewife!  This is my first blog hop, so I am very excited!  It's sort of a pre-Valentines Day bash.  It's interesting to note that celebrating February 14th as a day of romantic love was unheard of before Chaucer (of Canterbury Tales fame) got a hold of St. Valentine and turned it into the hearts and flowers holiday we see today. 

Now, I've been married for the past 5 years and 11 months and Valentine's Day has definitely changed in meaning and likely will the longer I stay married. It's gone from the swooning, sweep-me-off-my-feet holiday to more of a "I still find you sexy even though I've seen you at your worst" kind of holiday.  Of course our anniversary has also changed over the years from a "Yay, another year married" to a celebration of "Holy crap, we survived another year despite the forces moving against us".

The key to this all though is that Big Guy and I make a point of celebrating these holidays and celebrating them together.  I think that our attempts to romance each other, even after 6 years of marriage, a child, and 3 moves, only strengthens our relationship.  It's one of those things that you have to work on in a relationship.  There are going to be days where you are unhappy, cranky, or just don't feel sexy and you'll still try.  If you have a good partner, most of the time they will pick up on the fact that you just aren't feeling it and will work to help get you in a better frame of mind. 

Fighting against your own blahs is difficult enough on your own, but it's worse when you and your significant other go through it together.  That has happened to Big Guy and I on occasion and we refer to it as our "downward spiral". It's the opposite of feeding off positive energy and we feed off the negative and just get worse and worse.  Luckily, after 6 years, we've learned to recognize when it starts and we will look at the other person and say: "Wait, stop, we're heading into our downward spiral."  Generally, that's enough to snap us out of it and work on finding the positive.  Noticing the beginning of the spiral, though, was no easy task. 

We did work hard at it and we learned to notice the clues in our therapy sessions.  And, let me tell you, in a blended family, marital therapy is invaluable.  We learned to communicate better and that helped us deal with issues that came with the ex and kids. And through all of that, we worked on making sure we still romanced each other. 

Some of the things we did weren't terribly romantic on the surface but were insanely romantic in context. One of the first Valentine's Day's we had together, we were dirt poor.  Those were desperate times, living hand to mouth and we had no way of getting out of it, but that day Big Guy came home with a heart-shaped pizza.  It was, for our budget at the time, a massive expenditure.  For my first Mother's Day, we were still dirt poor but Big Guy wanted to make sure I knew that he felt I was a good step-mother to his kids.  He brought home a case of Wild Cherry Pepsi.  Those were and still are big things to me. He worked hard to get something that we would enjoy and expressed his appreciation.  Always find someway to show your significant other you appreciate their efforts and find some way to make it something that speaks directly to them.

Valentine's Day isn't just about hearts and flowers, it's about being with and appreciating the one you love.  So, I love and appreciate you Big Guy.  Thank you for being there for me; for rubbing my back when I'm cramping, for letting me puke on your feet on election night, for standing next to me and seeing more of me than even I have seen during the birth of our son...  In return, I have rubbed your back as you puked, dealt with intestinal issues with you, and allowed you to slough off on your dish duty.  They may be the messy, gross times, but they are the times that are indicative of our love.

And I still find you sexy. 

Next Stop on the Hop - Lola's Diner!  Thanks for visiting!

To the beat of a different drum

So, my mother in law sent over a bag of goodies for Little Guy.  Footie pajamas, which he loves and refuses to take off until we make him, an adorable "Kiss me I'm Irish" shirt, a pair of snow pants, and a set of "Hit Stix".

These are drumsticks that make noise no matter what you beat them on.  He has tried them out on the wall, the floor, the doors, a car, a box, his bed, and anything alse he can find.  In fact, our house is chock full of taps and beats and other wonderful drum-type of stuff.  I must remember to thank her.

For Christmas, I bought Big Guy a set of books: The Temraire series by Naomi Novik.  We both burned through those books at record speed, though I finished the series first.  According to Big Guythis is due to the fact that I read "freakishly fast".  I disagree.  It may be speedy, but I read everything.  Because I managed to finish the books in record time, we discussed what series we were going to purchase next to read and have decided on George R.R. Martin's Song of Fire and Ice.  That was why we went to Barnes and Noble yesterday.

While we were there we purchased the first two books of the series and a couple workbooks for Little Guy to practice his writing skills with.  For, while I have no concerns about his potential writing ability, I do have concerns about his ability to write.  So, we're going to take pencil in hand and practice starting tomorrow.  This ought to be interesting, especially when you consider that he doesn't like following directions.  (He gets that from Big Guy.

As far as the new series, I'm reading the first book, A Game of Thrones, and made it to page 124 last night.  I told Big Guy that it may be true that I devour books.  His response was to say no.  Devouring would imply I stopped to chew.  I simply suck them in like spaghetti.  I know I read fast, but I do read everything.  That's something most people don't understand. I'm not just skimming, I am actually reading.  I do love reading though.