The calendar never lies...



Courtesy of Getty Images

I've found my month passing by rather rapidly. Every time I look at my calendar, I am left feeling kind of woozy at the passage of the days. Since classes are only a month long where I work, I find teaching to be white-hair inducing when the months are incredibly shortened... As they were this month.
We lost the first day of class thanks to the New Year's observation. We then lost another day this month for MLK Day. It wouldn't be so difficult if this were a traditional school setting, but we teach on a 1-class-per-month schedule. I did the math (with great difficulty) and discovered that each day of class is essentially 1 week in a traditional setting. That means I am cramming 2 weeks worth of material into other classes throughout the month. So, I've done that, my students have learned something despite their best efforts, and the month draws to a close.

On top of the two class shortened month, though, I also managed to hurt my back part of the way through the month. Usually I can catch it before it really gets bad, but this month it went from zero to "OH HOLY CHRIST THAT SMARTS" in a day. At one point I woke up, judged my back pain as "not too bad", stood up, and immediately sat back down on the bed. Apparently the process of standing caused a muscle spasm and that never goes well. Big Guy bought me a heating pad and made sure I had ibuprofen, so I spent a week hobbling through the house and ensconced on our sofa with a heating pad on my back.

What all of this has done, more than anything else, is make me cranky. I am cranky, I feel old, and I am tired. I am behind on so many things that I want to do because I've been babying myself. But, I've also avoided things I NEED to get done... Like write. I haven't worked on my story at all since the changing of the year and I'm irritated with myself for it. Part of it is more than internal frustration.

I'm feeling angsty and frustrated with certain things. I just need to suck it up and get over it. Instead, I intend to focus on what I am going to do in the spring and summer as the seasons change. Little Guy and I have already been discussing what plants we want to grow. Little Guy wants to plant peas and tomatos for sure. I'm surprised he didn't ask for carrots! I know I need to get sage, basil, oregano, mint, lemon balm, and other delicious plants to grow. For the first time in a couple years I am excited about the growing season. We are no living in a place where things can actually grow!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Krafty Kitten is taking a huge leap forward, as you can see.  I've changed the formatting (a bit) and I am hopefully improving the content.  The change reflects (in a way) the changes we've been going through around here.  Aside from the move, Little Guy has started being homeschooled, Big Guy is still the house-husband, and I, the intrepid instructor, am trying to talk myself into going back and getting my Master's degree. 

Right now, my vacation week is winding to a close.  I had a great time at home with my guys.  We were productive indoors since it rained most of the week.  Hopefully, we'll be able to enjoy the outdoors in the next week.  I'd like to have Little Guy look at trees as the seasons change from summer to fall.  I have grand plans that will probably never quite work the way I want them to.  Such is the price of having a Little Guy like mine. 

Tonight, my last night, I am cooking dinner and then showering since I spent the whole day putting together next month's plan for my class.  I have a few new tricks up my sleeve and I really needed this break to recharge those creative juices.  The dinner I put together was quick and relatively easy.  Big Guy had cooked bacon and eggs for breakfast and we had a pan with bacon grease on the bottom of it.  I took chicken breast tenderloins and fried them, onions, garlic, green beans, and spices in the pan.  Then I boiled some angel hair pasta, drained it, and tossed it with the chicken mixture and fresh basil.  It turned out really well though I may have over done the red pepper a smidge. 

The shower will be appreciated since I feel like I'm coming down with a cold.  Perfect timing.  I'll pop some cold meds before bed and hopefully kick this before it starts.  I hate being sick, and being sick while teaching is a full measure of suck.  We do what we must though and I am determined to make this an excellent month. 

One final note, I did get my interview published on Mommy Page.  It even has a picture of me!  SO EXCITED! 

Split Shift Ramblings

This month, I am teaching a split shift.  Split shifts are rough on the body and the mind because the spread of the hours is so exhausting.  I have to start teaching at 8:30 am and that runs till almost 1 pm.  I get a stretch of hours in the middle then until I start again at 6 pm and teach all the way until 10 pm.  I'll go home tonight, whine a bit about food, and then sleep.  Luckily, I don't have to teach tomorrow.

Big Guy agreed to let me take his laptop to work with me, so I can sit in the adjunct office during the stretch of time where I don't have class and work on class stuff.  I will find this extremely helpful this month.  The free time in the middle of the day allowed me to get my morning class papers graded already.  I also was able to look at the books and figure out what I wanted to make copies of for my class before they got here.  I ought to plan what I want them to do for homework on Thursday, but I am seriously considering a power nap. 

Big Guy has also been packing a lunch for me for prevention of passing out during the day.  It is something I truly appreciate and I love having a husband who wants to take care of me.  He loves me, wants me to be happy, healthy and comfortable.  Unfortunately, that's not something that often happens over the course of a split shift month.  My program director tries not to give her instructors two split shifts in a row because it's horrible.  You really do put in 14 hour days and can't do anything outside of school on those days.  The funny/horrible part of this month's split shift is we're moving at the same time. Feel pity for Big Guy, who is taking care of Little Guy and packing all on his own.  I'll be able to get some of it done on Wednesdays and weekends, but the bulk of it falls to him. 

Yesterday, he got a ton of stuff packed in Little Guy's room.  It was impressive, considering Little Guy (like his mother) likes to be able to see everything he owns.  I adamantly refused to go in his room because I was terrified I was going to break something.  Last night, when I got home, Big Guy showed me that not only could we walk on his floor now, but there were "See You Later" boxes packed of toys.  Little Guy and Big Guy had decided what was going to be packed.

I'm hopeful that more stuff will be packed today, but my two Guys may decide to nap instead.  The split shift is hard on all of us.  Bleh, reading this over, I can tell my brain is mush right now.  Back to the grind goeth I.

An Open Letter to Bad Students

Yes. I teach a super-basic English course. I teach you how to correctly put words into sentences, how to put sentences into paragraphs and how to put paragraphs into an essay. I've been doing this for a long time. Longer than you've been here, and I will probably still be doing it long after you've gone, whenever and however that may be. I work hard to make a very dry and usually boring subject somewhat interesting. I know you think this is a stupid, easy, fluff course, but you would not be in this class if you didn't need it. You took a test for placement and failed badly enough that you are mine. 

And so here we are. You on your side of the desk and me on mine. And guess what? No matter what, I win. For the time you are in my class, I am the most important person in your world. Or at least you should act that way. Why? Because teachers aren't stupid. When we're in the lab and you're tap-tapping away on your keyboard or clicking away at your mouse, I KNOW you aren't paying attention to me. And believe me, I know who you are and I will call you out on it. If you're sitting there, slack-jawed with your book closed next to you as I am lecturing about a chapter, I know it's not English you're thinking about. And it adds up. 

You start as a blank slate in my class. By the end of the first day of class, I have identified the students who are going to be most difficult. You know who you are. You are the student who thinks you're so damn wonderful that you can be all cute with the teacher and she'll fall all over herself to give you an A because you're just that amazing. If you think that, think again. Because, in conjunction with me being the most important person in your world while you are in my room, I also have little to no patience for your "cuteness". Your cuteness is not awesome, it is not amazing, and your winning personality will not get you an A. I don't care if you know this; I don't care if you don't want to do the assignment. If you want your grade, you have to earn it. You do not pay my salary. I earn it. You pay for the amazing opportunity to be in my class.

You are also the student who keeps a notebook of excuses. I'll let you in on a secret... I don't care if your dog's uncle's cat's brother ate your homework. I don't care if your car caught fire and burned all your books inside it. If you didn't call me, email me, or leave me a message, it's an excuse. And, if you do this at least once per class session, I probably don't believe you anymore. If you cared about my course, you'd find a way to make those excuses nonexistent. 

My patience is wearing thin. I've explained something just to have to re-explain it five minutes later because a student was doodling flowers in her notebook and is now lost, and I've done that 5 times in half an hour. When a "cute" student ignores me for the better part of a class only to interrupt me five times as I'm trying to explain the assignment, it makes me want to stab my eyes out with a pen. When I'm trying to explain a concept and a student full of excuses is interrupting me to answer a question on the lab assignment that they are doing instead of listening to me, it makes me want to unplug the computer and throw it through the window. Even worse, it causes a deep wellspring of pity for the students who do care and are trying to learn. Because while I am stuck with them for a month or two (or three), these guys will work with them in all their other courses.

I'm sorry, smart, conscientious students. I am sorry that there seems to be such a vast chasm between you and your peers. Do not fall into their trap. Do not think that because they passed, you do not need to work as hard as you do. Because, at the end of the day (or college career) you can come to me for a letter of recommendation and I will give it. I will not be "too busy" for you. If you need help understanding something in another course, I will be more than happy to sit down with you or act as a go between for you and your instructor. You have fostered that trust and you have earned your place. And it is nothing to be ashamed of, so do not fall into their trap.

The bad students are a swampy morass of helplessness and entitlement. They don't know anything, don't want to really improve their lot if it means work, and don't think they should have to do anything anyhow. They pay their money, they should get a degree. That's not how life works. And, by God, that will not be how my class works. So go ahead. Yell at me. Roll your eyes at me. Grumble beneath your breath about these "stupid assignments" and complain just in earshot about how worthless you think they are. I don't care, and in fact, it makes me giggle a bit on the inside because you'll be doing them again when you fail. Tell me how your cat ate your car and that's why you missed 3 classes in a row. It makes no difference to me. You'll take the course again and I will still get paid. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Get used to it.



Love

An English Teacher on the Edge

Bookstore dreams and wishes

We've been pushing forward on the bookstore idea pretty hard. We've got the market research survey up online and are already receiving responses. Some of the responses have been quite enlightening and surprising. Some of them, not so surprising but identify a particular hazard we will have to deal with in running the store.

I'm already establishing guidelines in my head about what used media we will accept, what condition it must be in, and how we will establish the store credit for it. We have great ideas about what we want to offer, how we want to offer it, and how we want things to work. I think we can really pull it off if we can get the funding. Big guy and I are determined and very excited about this. It's really been all we've discussed for a while. I really want this to work. I'm also thrilled that he seems passionate about doing this.

Big Guy is truly the love of my life, but he will be the first to say that there's very little he cares about enough to fight for. I'm the fighter in the house. I throw myself into everything with a sort of passionate madness that Big Guy just doesn't seem to have. This, however, has lit a fire in him. It's encouraging for me to see because I always worried that he didn't have anything he liked to do that he "loved". I LOVE writing and teaching. When things get difficult and hard to do, I can hold on to my love for both htose things to get past the rough paches and continue on working at them. Big Guy didn't have that in any of his jobs, which meant that when things got tough, he got angry, sullen and bitter. It made me sad.

And if we can pull this off, he's going to need that love and passion. We're going to have to work hard to make this take off. On the bright side, if we can get this to work, this will free us from other bosses. I'd love to get the store going and have it reach a point where we become a staple of life around town. Perhaps we can get it to a point where life isn't a struggle anymore. The hard thing, for me at least, is this dream means putting off the homesteading dream because everything is going to have to be poured into the business. All our energy, any extra money, and our lives for a long time are going to be at the whim of the retail store gods. The place we're considering has an apartment upstairs but no yard space to speak of. I'll be able to plant very little, if I can plant anything at all. There definitely would not be room for chickens. I also recognize that, should the bookstore fail, it will effectively kill our ability to do the homesteading.

This really has to work. I know we have the drive, I know we can push it out.... I just hope it takes off.

Bookstore Plans and Dreams

Life is full of surprises. I think (though I am not sure) that thisis a good thing. Life changes and moves and very rarely do things ever stay the same. I am convinced that most of our lives occur for a reason even if we are never truly sure what that reason is. Our life has been moving non-stop and keeping up with the plans we are attempting is never an easy task.

Big Guy, as you know, was laid off in November. After much twisting, turning, and scrambling (and with the much needed and much appreciated help of friends and family) we made it through the holiday season, got our financials sorted out, and are continuing to march forward. I told Big Guy, though, that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go from here. To that end, we've started to look at putting the bookstore in order.

This is exciting and nerve-wracking. We've always talked about doing this, but more of a "when we win the lottery" type thing. Never very seriously. Now, we've got the business registered as an LLC and we are moving forward with a business plan and trying to get funding. I have no idea if we're going to be able to pull this off, but I would really like to. I don't even want to end up a nation-wide franchise. I just want a nice, cozy little book store that we can share with friends and family. I know the ultimate goal would be to make money on it, but we also want to do what we enjoy.

If we can do this, it would be a great opportunity for Big Guy to do something he loves. I could still teach on a free schedule, and when I'm not teaching, I can work in the book store. Little Guy can still be homeschooled and still get hands on experience with math and reading. So, we'll bust our butts getting this put together, hopefully give us a chance to move out of where we are and into a better place. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and, for better or for worse, this is happening too.

Happy New Year!

My New Year's Resolution is to get back into writing regularly.  I know I need to narrow that goal down a little more and figure out exactly what "regularly" means, but for now I accept that I need to write more.  It's something I need to do, it's something that is important to me, and it's going to eventually give me what I want from it IF I put the effort into it. 

That's not to say that my hiatus hasn't been entirely unexpected.  Life, they say, is what happens when you're busy making other plans.  After the failure to get the commune off the ground, Big Guy and I continued with our plans to get out of where we were, even going so far as to look at purchasing a house in the country.  (My heart still breaks that we didn't get that house.)  However, while we were doing that, Big Guy got fired from his company AGAIN.  This was the second time in two years they had decided they didn't need him and booted him out the door.  I told him that if they asked him to come back again, not only was he to say no, but HELL NO. 

So, around the middle of November, we went from a two-parent working household to a two parent, one worker household.  Don't worry, I've engaged him in slave labor in my name and we got a LOT of help from friends and family over the holiday season as things attempted to sort themselves out.  I would like, at some point, to have an extended period of financial peace.  I think we've earned it over the past 8 years. 

Figuring out where to go from here is going ot be tricky.  He's submitting apps and resumes and I've suggested a few things, but we're unsure where or when things will shift.  We've been down this road before though.  This time he doesn't have an insane CS amount hanging over his head.  Now, it's slightly more reasonable and if the ex comes charging after him for more money, since he's jobless. I can't imagine they would raise it. 

We're also buckling down on expenses.  Christmas was stress inducing.  But the love and assistance of family and friends made it the best Christmas ever.  No matter what religion you believe in, it's easy to recognize a blessing when you see it.  I was also lucky enough to get a second class to teach this month, despite it being a split shift.  So, while I am exhausted, I am also bringing in money. 

Things will work out, I have faith in that.  Everything happens for a reason and the change in Big Guy's Job situation will undoubtedly lead to something better.  Now if it would just hurry up and arrive. 

Half Time Work, Full Time Life

Well, Big Guy’s job situation was finally clarified and his hours were cut. Down to practically half. He’s now on contractor status but can only work a total of 24 hours per week, no benefits. So, we’re implementing some serious budgeting measures.

We’ve gone back to ordering from Angel Food Ministries and I am going to prepare weekly menus. Angel Food Ministries is an excellent source for good cheap food. $30 and you get an order of food that is billed as “enough to feed a family of four for a week”. This month’s order comes with steaks, chicken, pork chops, ground beef, veggies and fruit, eggs and a dessert. It’s pretty well balanced and you can come up with ways to stretch it. We order one box at a time and can generally make it last the whole month.

I’ve also got a running tally of our funds on an excel spreadsheet to keep track of our budget. We’re going to run into some issues because what we’re bringing in is less than what we need per month. If we’re careful with the payout for his vacation time, we may be able to limp along until he either gets another job or they decide they need him full time.

He is looking for another job, both full and part time, and I’m working on teaching. If we can keep it up, things should be OK.