A Gardening Metaphor

Flowers, flowers everywhere

At Toddler in Tow, Amyables talks about her gardening adventure this year, and I must admit a bit of jealousy.  We didn't have a garden this year.  I decreed at the beginning of the season that we were moving, which meant anything I planted would be left behind in the move.  I refused to let someone else play the grasshopper to my ant. 

Now, however, we are in a place to garden and I intend to garden when Spring arrives.  I'd like to get Little Guy more involved and give him a place to garden as well.  It could definitely work as part of his science curriculum.  We were lucky that our landlord was a pretty avid gardening guy himself.  He had an amazing garden set-up to start with, and I look forward to maintaining and adding to it.  Little Guy already pulled out his watering can to water the flowers in the back yard.  There's a planter near the front door that I may give him some seeds and let him go to town. 

I would love for Little Guy to get the enjoyment and peace from flowers that I find in the dirt.  The past few years were difficult, and my garden really reflected how I felt about where we were.  Dropped into crap soil, we had to fight to survive.  Some parts did.  Some parts didn't.  I'd classify our family as much hardier than we were three years ago, but I suppose that happens when you prune away some of the dead wood. 

Pruning, in life as in the garden, seems to be an ongoing thing.  I unpacked with my mom today and she took 3 boxes and a bag to Goodwill.  She also took a couple boxes home for my nephew.  I feel bad about that because they were baby clothes and I would love to have another baby around the house.  Little Guy is getting so big and, while I know he loves me, isn't at the chubby-cheeked, wide-eyed innocent stage anymore.  Now he's a full boy with snips and snails and puppy-dog tails. 

But, I want our family to survive, so away go the baby clothes and other items we have no intention of doing something with.  I want my soil to be primed and ready because we deserve it.  Like most American families, the economic downturn has hurt.  Big Guy lost his job a year ago and we're limping by on unemployment and what I earn in teaching and writing.  But, we're also very blessed.  We've moved to a place that we intend to be a long-term stepping stone.  We're closer to my work and closer to our friends.  Big Guy has been able to be home with Little Guy and both were able to pack while I worked. 

Every rose does indeed have its thorn.

I believe that this time we have landed in more fertile soil and the garden is a reflection of that.  I look forward to seeing what comes up!

  

Grant me serenity....

Just when you think things are going smoothly, something comes along to trip you up.  The process of moving and squaring things away is a lesson in changing what you can and accepting what you can't because just when you think things are settled, it turns out not to be.  This weekend I discovered my bank sent my rent, not to my landlord, but to nowhere.  They cut a paper check instead of paying his account and sent it to nowhere, literally.  There was no address.  They sent the check anyhow.  This is the problem with automated systems.  A person might have noticed there was no address and stopped the process to figure out what was going on.  The mechanical system, however, just shoots things out. 

I discovered this on Saturday morning after my landlord contacted me to let me know he hadn't received our money yet.  The bank put a stop-payment on the check they cut and said the money would be back in my account in 3 - 5 business days.  In the meantime, I am sending a personal check to cover this to my landlord so that, once the money is back in my account, he can go ahead and cash it.  The next step from there will be to figure out how to do this so it NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. 

Also on Saturday, we discovered the tree in our backyard was trying to make an entrance into the neighbor's yard.  It's a lovely mulberry tree that just sort of leaned over the fence.  Big Guy would take care of it himself, but there's some sort of line there that the tree is also leaning on, so I think someone professional needs to take care of it to prevent death and/or loss of limb (HA) and property.  However, it's a holiday weekend, and, as with the bank, that means NO ONE is working until Tuesday without serious overtime. 

For most people, this is a relaxing time.  For me, it turned into a frenzy of 'crap I cannot control'. I don't like sharp changes in plans; I especially don't like sharp changes in plans of things I had already marked off my list.  My reaction to that loss of control and inability to change it RIGHT NOW was to take control elsewhere.  As such, Big Guy and I emptied the dining room of boxes and then refilled it with boxes from the family room.  We then sorted the place out and got the furniture arranged (mostly) to our satisfaction.  I need a wireless adapted for my computer before it can go on my desk but then we are settled in the family room.  We have a mishmash of hand-me-down furniture from friends, family and second-hand stores which, surprisingly, almost looks like we planned it and matches the woodwork here beautifully.  I have no idea how we managed both the coordinating furniture and the coordinating woodwork, but go us. 

In the end, this means Tuesday will be a busy day.  I'm OK with that as long as everything gets sorted out.  I want everything back to settled, so I can get down to the very serious business of settling in and sorting things out.  We need to get settled in so I can get Little Guy into a routine and start homeschooling the little booger.  He desperately needs a routine and regular schedule.  This past month has been sorely lacking in that department, and I am starting to feel like a horrible parent.  But again, I need to look at this as an opportunity to change what I can and accept what I can't. 

It's just difficult. 

Adventures in Moving

We're moved.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to do it, and I must admit I panicked there a bit at the end.  We were truly blessed in the help we received from family and friends.  We finished moving 2.5 days earlier than we thought thanks to them.  That doesn't mean it wasn't an adventure though. 

Class ended for me on Thursday and that's when the moving weekend really began.  The next day we had to travel to the new house to wait for the cable guy.  While we were there, we put Little Guy's bed together and started making his room feel like a real home.  He had been having difficulties and I am positive it was due to all the changes.  His temper was shorter, he tried to push all the boundaries, and he just did not like what was going on.  Big Guy and I thought that getting some familiarity in his new room might settle things down.  So, while the cable guy set up our cable and internet, we set up the bed.  That may have been a mistake though, since he then wanted to spend the night there and we weren't done at the old place yet.  Plus, the bulk of moving was going to be done the next day.

 Saturday began bright and early.  Big Guy and a friend went to get the moving truck while Little Guy and I (mostly the *I*) continued to box things up and get things sorted.  All the electronic items were gone, waiting at the new house, and the entire house was just about done.  At about 10 am, people began to arrive and we started stacking stuff on the lawn and moving it into the truck.  Everyone took a load to the new place while I and two others held back and continued packing.  We were just about done when the truck returned and we finished up our last load for the day.  After that, we headed to the new place and crashed. We still had cleaning at the old place, but what we needed people and a truck to handle, we had managed to complete. 

Sunday, we were sore, we were tired, and we still had stuff to finish.  We went back to the old house to mop, vacuum, and finish wiping things down.  When we arrived, however, we were greeted with a surprise.  Someone had STOLEN our stair railings.  We considered that they may have been stolen for the metal...but someone had left the wrought iron doormat.  They hadn't just stolen the railings either, they broke the bolts getting them off.  Looking out our back window, we noticed that our back neighbors had a suspiciously familiar pair of railings while the guy across the street from them had their old railing.  It was beyond ridiculous.  We griped about it for the rest of the day as we finished cleaning but we got the place in order and went home.  We had a few boxes left that Big Guy was going to pack up the next day when he talked to the office about our missing rails. 

When he went in to the office to tell them someone had stolen our rails, the office's initial reaction was: "That's really not our problem."  Once he explained that we didn't waqnt to get charged on our move out and that we were renters, then they cared.  I couldn't believe it.  Yet another reason why we are so glad to be out of there.  After that he loaded up the last boxes and turned in the keys... And we were done there.  We've been unpacking and organizing and just generally trying to make ouselves at home.  The house is amazing and we love it already.  This has been such a positive move and a wonderful blessing for us.  I am thrilled.  And even Little Guy has started settling in. 

Month-End Introspection

Grading, fun for the whole family

I have reached the final hours of my month of craziness, and the time has come to really reflect on it.  Was I as successful a teacher, a wife, and a mother as I had hoped to be?  Definitely not.  Some of the things I accept were beyond my control.  I also learned to accept that not all students want to be here.  This is not necessarily a shortcoming on my part, in some cases the student simply does not accept their own role in their education and there is nothing I can do about that.  But even that was such a grab bag of emotions this month that I really need to look back and think about it. 

As an instructor... 
Bad: I think I wasn't as tough on some of my students as I should have been.  I had a student in one class that really brought the dynamic down.  That negativity bred more negativity in other students and led to a very difficult month.  I need to figure out a way to divert the negativity and figure out how my students can channel that energy into something positive. 

Good: The students I could connect with, I REALLY connected with.  And those students, even if other issues prevented them from being successful in my course, will definitely succeed in other ways. 

On the homefront:
Bad: The long hours at work this month left me disconnected from Big Guy and Little Guy.  They also contributed to one tired, stressed, and cranky Kitten as I tried to balance work and moving...  I was not always successful.  Little Guy, in particular, dislikes the long hours that go with a split shift.  He wailed at the thought of me having to go to work a few times.  I had to tell him on my days off that I was staying home.  And Tuesday, Big Guy came in to see me in my off period and Little Guy spent the last half of the visit crying because he wanted me to go home with him.

Part of his clinginess stems from the uproar of moving, I am sure.  But...  I still feel like a crap mom when it happens.  Although moving was the other rough part on the homefront.  By Sunday, this will all be behind me, but the stress of packing and organizing everything fell mainly on Big Guy because, well, he's home to do it.  However, my inability to affect the outcome led to stress and one massive blowout here at the end.  Next time we move, I may drink more heavily.

Good: The house is almost packed.  When we were able to work together, we did WELL.  Not only did we do well, but we were SPECTACULAR.  Plus, we were almost in each other's heads on the organization and planning on a regular basis.  It reiterated that Big Guy and I are definitely partners and definitely have improved our communication skills over the past 8 years.  The entire house is almost packed up and we are almost ready to go.  The house will be a definite step in the right direction (though I think any step out of where we are is "the right direction").  Where we have been living had a purpose, but that is long gone.  Now, we can start a new chapter. 

Overall, the month had its ups and downs, but it was a positive experience and certainly one I can use to gain insight into myself and my life.  Once it truly ends and next month begins with its classes as I live in the new place, I can see what new items I have carried with me and begin the planning for other areas. 

Split Shift Ramblings

This month, I am teaching a split shift.  Split shifts are rough on the body and the mind because the spread of the hours is so exhausting.  I have to start teaching at 8:30 am and that runs till almost 1 pm.  I get a stretch of hours in the middle then until I start again at 6 pm and teach all the way until 10 pm.  I'll go home tonight, whine a bit about food, and then sleep.  Luckily, I don't have to teach tomorrow.

Big Guy agreed to let me take his laptop to work with me, so I can sit in the adjunct office during the stretch of time where I don't have class and work on class stuff.  I will find this extremely helpful this month.  The free time in the middle of the day allowed me to get my morning class papers graded already.  I also was able to look at the books and figure out what I wanted to make copies of for my class before they got here.  I ought to plan what I want them to do for homework on Thursday, but I am seriously considering a power nap. 

Big Guy has also been packing a lunch for me for prevention of passing out during the day.  It is something I truly appreciate and I love having a husband who wants to take care of me.  He loves me, wants me to be happy, healthy and comfortable.  Unfortunately, that's not something that often happens over the course of a split shift month.  My program director tries not to give her instructors two split shifts in a row because it's horrible.  You really do put in 14 hour days and can't do anything outside of school on those days.  The funny/horrible part of this month's split shift is we're moving at the same time. Feel pity for Big Guy, who is taking care of Little Guy and packing all on his own.  I'll be able to get some of it done on Wednesdays and weekends, but the bulk of it falls to him. 

Yesterday, he got a ton of stuff packed in Little Guy's room.  It was impressive, considering Little Guy (like his mother) likes to be able to see everything he owns.  I adamantly refused to go in his room because I was terrified I was going to break something.  Last night, when I got home, Big Guy showed me that not only could we walk on his floor now, but there were "See You Later" boxes packed of toys.  Little Guy and Big Guy had decided what was going to be packed.

I'm hopeful that more stuff will be packed today, but my two Guys may decide to nap instead.  The split shift is hard on all of us.  Bleh, reading this over, I can tell my brain is mush right now.  Back to the grind goeth I.