I want to move NOW

We're looking at houses to move our group into. Whiteybare has claimed the front room for his own, but I'd really like to get a place where he feels more comfortable coming into the public areas of the house, and I believe that will only happen once we get a place with him. I'm always afraid that we're making him feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That worrying leads to hovering and, if I am not careful, will drive him insane.

I just want everyone to be happy and the idea of the commune is such a cheerful happy one that I can't help but want to make it a reality. Unfortunately, we have a ways to go before we can start forming the commune. One of the first steps is going to have to be forming the LLC. After we find a rental for our group where we can start setting aside money, we'll also start to build up money for a down payment. After we have some money set aside for a down payment, we'll look at houses and land. From there, we can start doing the communal thing.

I wish we could get started on it now, but there is no chance of that happening. We don't have the money for a down payment, and, even if we did, we don't have the credit for a loan. I'd love to be able to make a deal with someone in the area where we pay money for the land over a contracted period of time with someone who likes and supports what we're doing. Unfortunately, such deals are not in existance where we need them. We need to stay in the area where we currently reside. Whiteybare is a returning college student and needs to keep the in-state tuition. I am pretty well settled in my job and really could not find work like it elsewhere. And Big Guy needs to keep his job to pay his ex and cannot switch out unless it's for a higher paygrade.

In the meantime, I deal with the uncomfortable, impatient feeling. I want to be out of there NOW, and I know we can't get out NOW. So, I feel restless and irritated, ready to jump out at the word go. Unfortunately, this only irritates myself and my husband. Big Guy feels frustrated because I am not thrilled and he feels bad because it isn't what we want and he can't provide it for us right now. I try to keep my feelings, in that case, under wraps. I'm not a person who hides her emotions easily though, which only makes me more restless. Little Guy may pick up on the restlessness but it only serves to make him more hyper, a feat which is amazing enough considering his current level of hyper.

I tell myself that things will work out for the best. In the grand scheme of things, we are pretty well off. We have a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and many luxeries that others do not have. I'll just be glad when we get to do our own thing.

Wanting to go from Urban Homestead to Homestead

Economic times have become dark indeed, and desperate times, as they say, call for desperate measures.  When Whiteybare (as he wants to be called) showed up at our house and told us that he was losing his home, Big Guy and I didn't even flinch.  Our natural inclination was to say: "Stay here, we'll make room for you."  From there, we discussed our own burgeoning unhappiness with the community we live in.  So we decided that the group of us would get our own place and we'd do the hippie thing, grow our own food and work together, become a truly extended family. 

After that, we thought we might be able to do this with a few more friends, but the planning just didn't work out for a variety of reasons.  But, in the past 2 weeks, we've done pretty much nothing but look at houses and try to find good spaces on craigslist.  It's been frustrating to say the least.  But, even after the fall of the initial commune plan, we're still going to go ahead and try to form a mini commune.  We also have more time adn a wider variety of places to choose from, even if we're renting and not buying. 

Honestly, I recognize that what I am looking for is probably out of our reach, but it doesn't stop me from wanting better.  The goal is a house in the country with a big yard for gardening, a fireplace, and room enough to raise animals.  I guess you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.  So, right now we're looking for a place to rent that's "good enough", or a house on Land Contract that suits our needs and our wants. 

With Whiteybare moving in, we have someone who agrees with and understands our desire to find a country place, so this partnership should work very well.  He gets a place to live, and we all get an extended family with the same values and desires.  In addition to that, Big Guy has picked up a rifle and we're going to look into going deer hunting this year.  It's exciting, the little steps we're taking.  I just wish we could take the big step and get a place of our own.