Turn the Page

It’s been a busy week. I have to admit, I am glad it’s almost over.  For me, it really is.  I don’t have class tomorrow because they are moving to the new building and that means no teaching at all until Monday.  What a break!

Now, aside from grading, I really have time to focus on some other things…  Like writing in my blog and working on my OMGSOSUPERSOSECRETPROJECT and working on my novel. It’s been a rough summer, and it is probably only just beginning to hit us exactly how rough a summer it was.  I am going through, getting rid of clothes and gathering up toys, now that the house is mostly empty.  We’re still trying to adjust to life without the kids and it’s beginning to hit me exactly how much I put into the kids.

When Big Guy and I got together, I was determined to be the best step-mom ever.  I read books, made sure I didn’t overstep my bounds, and tried to follow the best, most rational advice available.  I offered support and guidance to my husband when he tired of the games his ex was playing and really devoted a lot of time and effort into both the battle and making sure the kids had the best chance at sanity that I could provide. So, for six years, I threw myself whole-heartedly into being a step-parent, to the exclusion of many things that I really should have been doing for myself.  And this May, when that effort was revealed to be useless, I really felt betrayed and destroyed by it.  But, through June and July, other things occupied my thoughts and time.  And now, I’m left with myself, Big Guy and Little Guy.  And it’s leaving me feeling a bit jittery.

So, where do I go from here?  Well, I work on something else.  I focus on the things that are important, like Big Guy and Little Guy.  I work on my projects.  And I sit back and breathe, take stock of where I am and figure out what I am feeling (aside from the surface emotions).  This is a new chapter in my life, let’s see what it says…