The Top and Bottom 3 worries of this parent

Today's blog prompt is sponsored by JuiceboxJungle and Kodak.  They asked what the top and bottom three things are that I worry about as a mom.  I had to think about all the things that I worry about (and there were a great many) and then I had to organize them by sheer amount of worry.  It was not an easy job and it took some time, but I think I have it figured out.

Top Three Things
1 - Health

We are one of the families that exist without insurance. The cost for insurance through Big Guy's business was just too much. Because we are forced to operate without insurance, I am always paranoid that he's going to get sick or injured and I watch carefully for those situations.  Luckily, I also try to feed him a steady diet of fruit, vegetables, and vitamins.  I also tend to hover to make sure that he doesn't put himself in a situation that could lead to bodily injury. 

2 - Money
Big Guy and I work very hard at our respective jobs, but money is always tight and there is usually very little left over at the end of the month. When we buy gifts, they are planned out well in advance and Big Guy and I have become expert bargain hunters.  I frequent Freecycle for clothes and we tend to shop for household goods and apparel.  If we're in the market for games, books or movies, I keep an eye on half.com and will keep watch on particular items for weeks at a time to ensure I get the best price. In fact, my birthday gift this year is particularly notable because I am getting it brand new on release. 

3 - Education
I exist in an almost perpetual state of terror that my child will be the one left behind.  Because of that, I push him beyond his normal age range in subjects such as reading and math.  Admittedly, he is much smarter than I give him credit for and this should probably fall in the bottom three things, but he is both my and Big Guy's son and that means I need to worry to ensure I push him enough to succeed or else he's likely to try and get away from studying. 

The Bottom Three Things

This was probably harder than the top three items.  What do I worry about least with this child of mine?  These items aren't really worries because I have evidence of my success everyday. 

1 - Happiness

I don't worry about Little Guy's level of happiness.  His laughter rings throughout the house regularly every day and he still laughs himself to breathlessness at least once every 12 hours.  I have seen him collapse with the giggles over something his dad or I have said that is just silly...  It's wonderful. 

2 - Self-esteem
If there is one thing that my son does not lack, it's self-esteem. If you were to ask him if he has self-esteem issues, he will tell you no, he doesn't.  He doesn't seem to comprehend that there may be people out there who don't want to spend time with him or who may not like him.  He is a friendly, cheerful, gregarious child who is firmly convinced that everyone loves him and he is in charge. 

3 - His View of Relationships

I am nearly certain that my son will have successful relationships as he grows because of how hard Big Guy and I work to ensure that our own relationship is a success.  We've attended marital therapy and will readily say that it was one of the best things we could have done for our marriage.  We had a strong relationship before we went, but the therapy improved our communication skills and provided a safe haven to learn to deal with issues that would come up and serve to temper our strongly-forged relationship.  If we can continue to provide an example of a well-honed relationship, our son will b able to emulate the better aspects of our relationship and hopefully avoid the mistakes that his father and I made in previous relationships.

Attempting to narrow down worries into only six was a difficult task, but was actually helpful to me as a parent.  I can see where my focus is and measure how I am doing over all.  It also helped reassure me that I am a good mother to this amazing child.  He is happy, mostly healthy, somewhat sane, and has been sheltered from the worst of the events that we've dealt with.  He's confident, brave, headstrong, willful, smart and imaginative.  He expresses love freely and accepts affection as a matter of course.  How lucky I am to have him. 

He's not smart after all - How I've ruined my son

The snow has restarted in earnest around here.  Leaving class last night, it appeared as the the wind and snow was conspiring to make a blizzard.  Coming home, I could see the little whirling snow rivers created by our passage highlighted by the headlights of the car behind us.  This is the kind of weather I can support.  Of course, the fact that we regularly get weather like this makes me look askance at those southern folk.  I guess when you don't get weather, it's hard to know what to do when you get it. 

 Little Guy and I were working on his letters and numbers yesterday, and I praised him to the heavens, just like any other parent.  Then I read an interesting article (Don't Call My Kid Smart) that has me rethinking how I approach this.  Jeff Weinstock writes that we shouldn't call our kids "smart".  By labeling them as "smart" and attributing their success to natural talent, we set them up for failure and, even worse, we set them up not to try. 

I can see some of this emerging now.  I have called Little Guy smart ever since he started exhibiting advanced tendencies.  He can count to 100, how smart he must be.  He can read some of the simpler books, he is so smart.  But getting him to practice, getting him to do the stuff he's NOT good at...  Then he balks and doesn't want to try.  Why?  Because it's not easy for him and he already recognizes that he is "smart" and therefore things will come to him without having to work at it. 

As we all know, though, life does not favor the easy route.  If you want something, you have to work for it.  This is true in all things: school, work, and even relationships.  This puts me in an awkward place though.  He is smart and I know it.  He does have a high level of innate intelligence and things will come easier for him than they will for others.  He is fortunate to have that ability.  But, that doesn't mean there isn't a certain level of effort he must put forth to succeed. 

But, how should I praise him now?  Telling a 4 year old: "Great effort!" or "What a nice try!" just doesn't seem right.  Those are the phrases that you give to kids who really do mean well, but just can't quite reach that bar.  Those are lines that just seem coated with an undertone of pity that you feed to kids to ensure their self-esteem isn't too damaged by failure.  And by avoiding the use of the word "smart", are we in danger of hurting our kids' self-esteem by not acknowledging their intelligence?  No one warned me that being a parent was so dangerous.  Are we all destined to ruin our children either by over-inflating their egos or destroying their self-esteem?

After discussing the article with Big Guy last night, he's of the opinion that I read too much and worry too much.  He says that Little Guy will likely survive the fact that I call him smart and be the better for it.  He's got a point and was in a position to know.  Back when we first dated, he did audits for CPS and it truly upset him at what some of those poor children went through.  And, to a certain extent, he's right. At the same time, I do need to find ways to praise and encourage Little Guy for the work he does.  

In more amusing news, I finally found my keys while I was at school last night.  They've been missing since before Christmas and I was really getting worried that I had done something horrible with them or maybe even left them someplace.  I found them in my purse.  Yeah, I know, I know. 

Watching Jimmy Fallon last night, I realized that Little Guy's hair style is catching on.  Michael Cera has the same exact hairstyle.  I can now pass it off as intentional.  I would like to point out that my son had that hairstyle long before Michael Cera did though.  That's my boy, always on the cutting edge of fashion.  And he's super smart to boot. 

Dammit, he'll never recover from having me as a mother!